


Help! My New Doctor Is Really Hot And I Think She Likes Me?!

by Alexilulu



Series: Help! I Keep Getting Into Sexy Situations With People In My Life! [4]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Doctor/Patient, Dubious Ethics, F/F, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, Mild Blood, Porn With Plot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-11 15:55:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11717619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexilulu/pseuds/Alexilulu
Summary: Breakups are hard. Breakups are harder when you try to hide from the breakup and fail miserably. But maybe, with a little help...





	1. Sexual Healing

The first day isn’t the hardest. Kawakami calls the school after their final moments together and blames a sudden emergency with her family, and the tears that she had only just stifled have darkened her voice enough for it to sound authentic. Distantly, she feels bad for lying to the administrator who takes the call, but she knows that to show up to work tomorrow like nothing happened would end in her breaking the second she sees him in class again. So she says the funeral isn’t until the day after tomorrow, and out in the country no less, so she’ll need 3 days. She just needs time to let these raw feelings scab over.She spends the first day asleep for the most part, waking only to pee and get water.

The second day isn’t the hardest, either. She spends it trying to distract herself with preparing new test questions, but when she’s finishing everything up, she finds herself imagining how she would explain it to Akira during one of their study sessions, and ends up crying. Even little things in the apartment bring forth lingering memories of him. The cup he loved using, with a big chip in it and a sheep painted on the side in acrylic paint, that he joked reminded him of himself, sitting at the front of her cupboard.She moves that cup to the back of the cabinet. An undershirt tucked behind the couch that she found when she gave up on trying to get any work done and resorted to cleaning the living area out. She picks it up and throws it into the trash without a second thought.

The third day is the hardest. The knowledge that she _has_ to see him, regardless of anything else happening in the world, is actively painful. She realizes as she stares at her coffee that she spent 3 days dodging the problem and just praying for it to go away on it’s own, and now she has to face everything without any preparation. So she spends the day sleeping, because every time she wakes up she realizes how utterly fucked she is tomorrow and starts crying again.

Luckily, Kawakami knows how to compartmentalize from long experience. The school day goes better than she expected; she finds herself avoiding the window-side of the classroom entirely, but other than that, there are no major bumps. She hits the points she wanted to hit on her lecture, assigns homework, and walks out when the time comes. The rest of the day is as usual, the only blip on her radar being the strange look the student council president gives her when they pass in the hallway outside the teacher’s room. She goes home when she’s done preparing tomorrow’s lesson, buys a six pack on the way home, finishes them in an hour, and spends an hour or two shifting positions in bed, trying and failing to fall asleep.

The week passes, and it doesn’t get much easier. When she’s alone with her thoughts, she still thinks about Akira, and it breaks her heart. She knows they can’t go back to where they were, but…In the first week, she tries to take her mind off things with a hot DVD she got off Amazon years ago, but finds herself imagining Akira and her in the same positions, the feel of him inside her, kissing her, and she stops halfway, pitching her toy at the wall behind the TV, frustrated and disgusted with herself.

Her frustration starts showing through her compartmentalized school persona she’s developing by the second week, becoming an amalgam of her cheerful Becky tone and her usual sarcasm, and finds herself apologizing for insulting students when they perform below her expectations. She throws herself into work, finding that her off hours are increasingly perilous for her. She leaves school later and later, drinks herself to sleep, and hates the dreams that come unbidden. She wakes up soaking wet from most of these, and hates every second of it. Her back muscles tighten more and more every day from the tension she holds in herself, and her back aches like an old wound.

Her increasing fatigue shows in her work, growing more and more irritable and unpredictable to her students and distracted during most activities. One late night on the third week since their breakup, she falls down several steps leaving the school, and hurts herself badly. Sitting on the train home, a trail of slowly drying blood tracking down from her scalp and plastering her hair to her cheek, she gets a text.

 

 **Akira:** Hey, sorry if this is out of the blue, but are u ok? U’ve been kind of weird in class…

Sadayo sighs, and takes a quick selfie, to the amazement of the few other people on the train at this hour. She shoots the ones who are muttering about her a stare that could kill, and they clam up.

 **Sadayo:** image.png what do you think

 **Akira:** What happened?

 **Sadayo:** Fell, hurt everything on the way down

 **Akira:** Kawakami, you have to go to a doctor…

 **Sadayo** : It’ll wait until morning

 **Akira:** Sadayo.

 **Sadayo:** Don’t call me that.

 **Akira:** sorry

 **Sadayo:** Just don’t worry about it.

 **Akira:** There’s a doctor here in Yongen that stays open until pretty late in the night, they’ll be open for a few more hours. Is your back okay?

 **Sadayo:** No

 **Akira:** Please go.

 **Sadayo:** One condition

 **Akira:**?

 **Sadayo:** No more texting me at all until I tell you its okay. Got it?

 **Akira:** (￣’一’￣)b

**Sadayo:** No more of that either

**Akira:** Ok.

**Sadayo:** I’m sorry.

**Akira:** me2.

* * *

Kawakami pushes open the door into the clinic, sighing. Three train changes later, here she is, barely 30 minutes before the clinic closes. The cramped waiting room is empty, the only distinguishing feature the doctor behind the counter with a weird spherical bob and…a choker? Can doctors be goth? She’s more interested in her magazine than the tinkle of the electronic door chime that sounded when she walked in. She limps to the counter, stabilizing herself with a hand against the wall. The doctor finally looks up from her reading material and quirks an eyebrow.

“Are you…bleeding?”

“I was. I think it stopped somewhere around Shibuya. A…someone I know recommended you, so I came here.”

“Long way for a doctor.” She stands, folding her magazine closed and straightening out a skirt so short Sadayo gets a long look at her new doctor’s pale thighs over the counter before looking away self-consciously. “Come into the exam room, I’ll clean you up and we can discuss treatment.” She disappears then reappears in the now-open doorway on Kawakami’s right, opening the door wide for her. “I’m Dr. Takemi.” Kawakami heads inside, sitting gingerly down on the bed against the far wall, groaning.

“Kawakami.” Takemi nods to her, pulling a pair of gloves from a box and slipping them on. 

“Nice to meet you. So, what happened?” She takes a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and a ball of cotton and goes about the business of cleaning up the small cut. Kawakami hisses, but remains still.

“It’s stupid. I fell leaving school.”

“A teacher, then? Pretty late for a teacher to still be at school.”

“Yeah, well, I was busy. And…distracted.”

“Distracted how?”

“Does it matter?” Kawakami shoots her a look, but Takemi is absorbed in her work, cleaning blood from her cheek and tossing the cotton ball in a hazardous waste bin. Her lips are pursed, and Kawakami finds herself staring until she snaps out of it and looks away.

“Well, a fall is a fall, but if you had a medical reason causing you to fall, then I’d rather treat that. Unless you prefer I simply charge you an exorbitant fee for 100 yen worth of cotton and alcohol.”

“Mmh. I’ve been…jeez, I walked in here in the middle of the night, do you really care?”

“I care if you care, and you clearly care if you’re being this cagey about it. No offense.” She flips Kawakami’s hair out of the way and applies a bandage and some tape to the cut. “If you want to talk about it, I’m not your friend, but patient-doctor privilege goes a long way.” Kawakami sighs.

“…I just broke up with someone, and I don’t think I’m over them, and I see them every day at work. I thought I was professional enough to just get by, but…” She wipes away newly-forming tears with one hand, closing her eyes. “I feel like I was swimming, and then the only thing keeping me afloat was taken away, and now I’m drowning.” She covers her face, finally letting herself start to sob. Takemi sits back on her stool next to her, waiting patiently for Kawakami to stop enough to be able to answer.

“…I’m sorry. Would you describe yourself as someone who fixates on failures? Racing thoughts, that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach?” Kawakami nods slowly. “Mmh. Do you want something that can help? It’s not going to cure you, it’ll just help mitigate that some.” Kawakami nods again, giving a shuddering sigh after the sobbing stops. 

“Please. Anything. I’m so…I’m so tired.” Takemi takes her hand and squeezes it before standing and walking into the back corner of the room. Kawakami looks from her hand to Takemi’s retreating back and blushes. This time, she doesn’t look away from her legs. Turning back, Takemi holds a small test tube filled with maybe a shot’s worth of bright pink liquid. She sits back down across from Kawakami, crossing her legs.

“I’m sticking with one of my tried and true formulas here, since you’re a new patient. Fast acting, the effects last about 6 hours, and no lasting side effects after that. If you like, you can stay here until it kicks in, then head home if you feel okay.” Kawakami eyes the vial suspiciously.

“Doesn’t most medications come in like, pills?”

“Did they not tell you when they recommended me? I make all my own remedies, stronger than the stuff you can get outside a hospital and tailored to your needs. And making tablets is really expensive, so I suspend the medication in a syrup base. Hence,” She shakes the vial a little. “Much cheaper for both of us.”

“Mmm…fine. I came this far, but that boy always…” Kawakami stops herself, but Takemi’s eyebrow goes up, then down. “Nevermind. How long does it take?”

“With your weight, probably only a few minutes.” Takemi holds it out, and Kawakami takes it and downs it in one gulp, shuddering when she swallows. 

“Ugh. Needs a better flavor.”

“Probably. I don’t sample my own wares, so I wouldn’t know. Did you want me to step out while we wait for it to start working?”

“…No. I’d rather not be alone right now, to be honest.”

“Okay.” She leans back to pick up a clipboard from the table behind her, setting it in her lap. “Do you want to talk about anything?”

“Not really…”

“Hmm. Seems like we’re in for a boring couple minutes, then.” She smirks, and Kawakami can’t help but smile a little in response, but it fades quickly. She stays silent for a minute or two.

“It’s…I was trying to be dependable for him, but I ended up needing more from him than I should have.”

“It sounds like you two were very close.”

“Yeah. Closer than we should have been, to be honest. It just…happened.” Kawakami fidgets with her hands in her lap.

“Were you happy?”

“Yeah.”

“Hm. He was a student. Am I right?” Kawakami looks up, eyes wide, but Takemi holds up a hand. “Not a judgement, I just had a hunch. They live around here, right? I have a few student patients, and you’re a teacher, and you shouldn’t have been close. And one who definitely likes to stick his nose where it doesn’t belong.” Kawakami sighs.

“…Yeah. His name’s Akira.”

“Well, that explains his mood the last few weeks. I sell him some of my stronger remedies, for ‘studying’.” Takemi does the air quotes motion, smirking. “He’s something, alright.”

“No kidding.” Kawakami bites her lip. “We were very close, but we both knew it was going to end badly, I guess.. We both agreed to end it.”

“But you’re not over him.”

“Yeah. It’s awful, but…We…I…”

“I take it you meant _very_ close.” Kawakami covers her face, wiping away tears.

“It’s so…god, I don’t know, the way I felt when we were together…it felt justified. Like a fairy tale romance, the kind you dream of when you’re young? Somebody who pulls you out of the deepest, darkest part of your life and makes you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. But…fairy tales end. …God, I’m sorry, I’m just going on and on, aren’t I?”

“You had a lot to say, it’s fine. How long ago did you break up?”

“Three weeks, I think? I don’t know. I don’t think I had it in me to really…deal with it. I took a couple days off when it happened, but I spent most of that time asleep or crying. Then I had to go back to work, and there he is, every morning. I…I guess I fell into old habits, tried to separate my life into neat little sections and avoid all the bad parts. It…well,” She gestures towards her head. “You can see how that went.”

“Well, it could have gone worse than a fall and a cut. How do you feel right now?” Takemi brings her pen up to her lips, and Kawakami stares for a moment before snapping out of it and answering.

“Tired? But…not as wound up.”

“Good.”

“It feels like…I wonder if that beer on the way here was a good idea…” Takemi looks surprised.

“You..okay, I guess I should have asked, but you really stopped for a beer on the way to a doctor in the middle of the night?”

“W-well, I had to transfer, and the train was taking forever, and there was a convenience store in the station…” Kawakami blushes, pushing her hair out of her face. Takemi sighs, nodding.

“Look, I get it, it’s just going to make you feel really drunk. Do you usually drink?”

“More than I should. Takes the edge off on the bad nights.”

“Right.” Takemi sighs, rubbing her forehead. “I’m going be honest with you, Ms. Kawakami.”

“Sure, whatever.”

“You’re a mess.” Kawakami snorts.

“Is that an official medical diagnosis? Can I get a note so I can take a week off work with that?” Takemi shoots her a look, and Kawakami flinches. “Sorry.”

“I think you need to seek therapy at the very least. This isn’t something someone should go through alone.”

“Can I do that here? I’m…not a fan of most doctors. Long story. You’re alright, though.”

“Well, with that glowing praise, how can I not?” Takemi puts her pen to her lips again, thinking. “…Sure. Why not?”

“Great! What exactly do you do with a therapist, anyway?”

“Mm, basically what we were doing. You talk, I ask leading questions, offer advice. Basically, we’ll work together on processing the ways you think and identifying ways that are harmful to you. We’ll work on techniques to help you manage those, too.”

“Huh. Well, that sounds alright, actually. Does that mean this stuff is working?”

“Probably. Well,” Takemi checks her watch. “I think we’ve both had a long day, based on how you showed up here, so I think we need to wrap it up here for tonight. I’ll schedule you for tomorrow, okay? Does this time work for you?”

“…Yeah, it should be fine. I don’t exactly have a lot to do most nights these days.”

“Great. Are we…done, then? I haven’t been to a doctor in awhile, when do I pay you?”

“Mm…We’ll call this a preliminary examination, so no charge. All I did was clean you up and schedule an appointment, I’d feel bad to take your money for something like that.” Kawakami looks surprised.

“…Really?”

“Yes, really. Do you want me to change my mind? If you’re that determined to give me your yen, I won’t say no.” Her impish smile gives the sentence a strange menace.

“No, that’s fine. I’ll be seeing you tomorrow, anyway, you can earn your pay then.”

“Mm, I suppose. Just remember to show up, or I’ll be very disappointed, okay?”

“O-okay.” Kawakami blushes involuntarily, standing slowly and unsteadily. Takemi stands, taking her hand and steadying her. 

“Just go slowly, okay? You’re gonna feel like this for a while, so don’t try to go too quickly.” Takemi leads Kawakami to the door, opening it and taking her out into the waiting room. She grabs a business card out of a little container behind the counter and scribbles some numbers on the back. “Look, I don’t usually do this, but this is my personal cell phone. If you get into trouble on the way home or need to talk to me about your treatment, don’t hesitate to call me, okay?”

“Okay, okay.” She takes it, stuffing it in her bag. “Thanks, Dr. Takemi.”

“It’s my job, so don’t thank me just yet. I get the feeling we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.” She pats Kawakami’s arm and steps away from her. “Well, off you go.”

“Right. Good night…” She nods to Takemi, opening the door. She hesitates for a moment, like she’s going to say something, but ultimately thinks better of it and leaves. Tae crosses her arms, sighing. 

“What the hell did I just get myself into…”

* * *

Kawakami shifts uncomfortably in her seat on the bed, the sound of her jeans rubbing against themselves as she uncrosses and recrosses her legs drawing Tae’s attention away from her notes. When she meets Kawakami’s gaze, her patient blushes.

“…Are you okay?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m fine. What’s up?” Takemi sighs, setting down her pen.

“This doesn’t work if you can’t be honest with me about your life, Ms. Kawakami.” She seemingly can’t help but smirk as she continues. “If it’s embarrassing, I promise not to tease you too much about it.” Sadayo looks away, scratching her cheek nervously.

“…I haven’t had an orgasm in over a month. But I _really_ want to.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Any particular reason why, you think?”

“…It’s him. We were…very regular about meeting, and…you know.”

“Having sex.”

“Yeah. I don’t know if he was trying to impress me, or if he just had a lot of stamina, but keeping up with him was exhausting at first, until I kind of got into it too. It was like being in college again, it felt like? When we ran out of things to do together, we usually ended up fucking. So…a lot.” She covers her eyes with a hand, looking down at her feet. “God, thinking about it now is really embarrassing.” Takemi shrugs.

“Mm. So you were used to having yourself taken care of, so to speak?”

“Well, yeah, but it’s not like I forgot how to finish myself off, it’s just…I work better with my imagination than visual aid, if it’s just me, and, well, I, uh, I guess I have a lot of material from him. I can’t help but imagine him when I’m trying to, uh, get off, and it…I can’t. I _can’t_.”

“Ah.” Takemi puts down her pen. “I think I understand.” Kawakami folds her hands in her lap, blushing mightily. “So, you’re frustrated, and can’t do it on your own. I’ll assume you tried alternatives?” Kawakami nods quickly, and Takemi sighs. “Well…Hmm. How badly do you need it?”

“…Badly. Very badly. I…god, someone touched my back on the train with their hand, and I nearly cried out. It’s driving me nuts!” Takemi nods, sighing.

“Alright. Close your eyes and try to relax, I have to mix something that might help.” Kawakami gives her a look, but Takemi stands up and walks into the back of the room, shuffling with glassware. Sighing, she closes her eyes and tries to focus on relaxing all the tension in her limbs. “While I’m at it, take off your pants. I’ll need access to your lower back for an injection.” Kawakami groans, squirming out of her jeans and leaving them in a pile on the floor at her feet along with her shoes.

“How much longer?” Kawakami peeks to find Takemi looming over her with a syringe in hand. “Oh.”

“Stand up and turn around.” Her voice is like ice, and Kawakami suppresses a shiver. As soon as she stands, she realizes that she’s wearing a ridiculously lacy pair of panties, and does her best not to look Takemi in the eye as she stands and turns around.

“What’s the shot going to do?”

“Help you with your problem, what else?”

“If you invented a drug that makes you come, you wouldn’t be running a teeny little clinic in this crappy little part of town. Come on, don’t mess with me.”

“Believe what you like. And hold still.” Tae places a hand on the small of Sadayo’s back, and she instantly responds, yelping and slapping her hands over her mouth to cover up any other noises.. “You weren’t kidding about the sensitivity, huh. Just try to bear with it, it’ll be over soon.” Sadayo bites her hand when Tae pinches her skin and holds it tightly, followed by the swift prick of a needle entering skin. “Almost done. Just count down from 5, and it’ll be over. Five, four, three, two, one…done.” Kawakami sighs with relief as she feels Takemi’s hand leave her back, only to scream when that same hand slaps her right on the spot the needle just entered. She whirls around on the shorter doctor, who is smirking and dropping the syringe in a sharps container behind her.

“What the fuck?!” Takemi pushes Kawakami back lightly with one hand, and she feels her legs give out under her as she falls back onto the bed with a thump. “What did you do to me?”

“I gave you a short-acting local muscle relaxant. It’ll last about 10-15 minutes, but I suspect I won’t need that much time.” Takemi crawls onto the bed on top of Kawakami, putting a finger to her patient’s lips. “Just let me help. I’m not going to hurt you. If you want me to stop, say ‘stop’ and I will. Okay?” She shifts Kawakami’s legs around under her and ends up sitting on the thigh of one while Kawakami tries to process what’s going on.

“I…what the hell are we doing? Are you gonna…”

“If you can’t do it yourself, turning to someone else is a natural response. I know from your time here with me that you have had trouble relying on others for a long time, and are returning to old habits again. That said, denying yourself like this only hurts you more. So yes, I am going to get you off, if you let me.” Sadayo finally meets Tae’s eyes, and nods.

“Okay.” Tae nods, leaning in and kissing Kawakami on the neck, softly sucking while Kawakami moans into the back of her hand. The doctor’s hands move slowly down her patient’s sides, one slipping under her shirt and up to her bra while the other remains at her hip. Sadayo moans louder when Tae’s hand cups her breast, leaning into the touch and gasping for breath. Apparently satisfied, Tae’s hand withdraws as her other slides across the frilly edges of Sadayo’s panties. Tae finally pulls away from her position at Sadayo’s neck, taking a moment to breathe before drawing her tongue along her throat, starting from the collarbone and going up slowly. Her hand, meanwhile, has slipped inside Kawakami’s panties and started sliding downward, drawing a series of sharp gasps from her.

“Ohh, God, please, please. I can’t take it, just, hhhnnnnn, please, please, Doctor, pleaseeeeeee…” Tae’s lips quirk in a smile around her tongue as she finishes her movement up to Kawakami’s chin with a quick peck on the cheek. Even with the ‘muscle relaxant’, Kawakami’s hips are already rolling insistently into the slow movement of Tae’s fingers. Without warning, Tae’s fingers slide into her and her palm claps down on Sadayo’s clit, and her hips buck, the only thing stifling her scream from being audible outside the clinic being Tae’s mouth on hers. When Tae releases her, they both come away panting, Sadayo moaning and rolling her hips in time with Tae’s fingers, groaning louder when her doctor’s palm scrapes across her swollen clit. Sadayo is leaning against the wall as hard as she can, head rolling back and moaning ‘Doctor’ over and over again when she finally comes, Tae never stopping until she feels her go slack against her hand. Sighing, she pulls herself out and wipes her hand on the bedsheet, smirking softly. Sadayo is a shaking mess, trying to catch her breath in quick gasps.

“Are you okay? How do you feel?” Tae slides off of Sadayo’s leg, sitting down on her knees next to her with a look of concern as tears roll down her patient’s face.

“I, I-“ she hiccups, then clears her throat. “Ah, god, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry you had to do that, Doctor…”

“You didn’t make me do anything, Sadayo, so don’t apologize to me. And my name is Tae. I think after that, we don’t really need to be using last names or titles anymore.” Kawakami blinks in surprise, then nods slowly.

“…Right. Tae. It’s a cute name…”

“My old girlfriend used to joke it was exquisite, just like me.” Tae smiles. “A bad joke, but still.” She slides off the bed and stands, stretching her legs. Kawakami still seems in a daze when Tae offers her hand, which she takes, and to her surprise pulls herself up with ease.

“Wh…my legs?” Takemi passes her the pair of jeans that were on the floor and produces an empty vial from her jacket pocket. On it, in English, are the words **0.9%** **NORMAL SALINE FOR INJECTION**.

“I gave you a placebo. I thought you might try to argue your way out of a treatment you clearly needed, so a little persuasion would help. Not something I would normally do, but…well…you looked like you wanted help.” Kawakami shakes her head incredulously, starting to pull her jeans back on. “Well, that, and I’ve seen the way you look at my legs. Or my lips.” She stops halfway through pulling her jeans on, looking up at Tae with a shocked look.

“Wh-“

Tae smirks, a twinkle in her eye. “I knew it.” Kawakami sits down on the bed with her pants half-up, covering her face in her hands.

“It’s not like that! I just…”

“It’s very flattering, honestly. But…well, you know all about illicit relationships that happen between people who should know better, right?” Kawakami groans, and Tae pats them on the shoulder. “Sorry. That said…hmm. Let’s see how things go, okay? The professional thing to do would be to not act on it yet.”

“Yeah…” Kawakami stands, pulling on her pants all the way on and trying her best to maintain a level expression. “I’m sure it was just all those hormones you just helped get rid of, nothing to worry about.” She gives a sheepish grin, and is met with Tae blocking the doorway with a wry smile.

“You know…I’m not a very professional doctor. That’s why I own a…what was it, a ‘teeny little clinic in a crap part of town’? I was fired from a prestigious hospital, you know. They called me the Plague. Because I killed someone.”

“…Why would you tell me that?”

“Well, I’ve been your therapist for a few days now, so I already know a lot of the darker details about your life. I figure it would be better for that to be more even.” She puts her pen to her lips. “Or I’m trying to scare you off. I’m not really sure yet.” She shrugs, stepping aside from the door and opening it. “Don’t forget your appointment tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ll see you then.” Kawakami walks out into the lobby, and the jingle of the door chime follows shortly after. Tae follows after her, locking the door behind her and flipping the sign to CLOSED for the night before returning to the clinic room. She quickly bundles up the thin sheets of the patient bed, dumping them in the linen disposal bag in the back. Wiping her hands, she finds a trace of fluid on her fingertips. She admires it, rolling it around on her fingers before smirking to herself and licking it off.


	2. Rock Bottom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for some frank talk about what they're even doing here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhh. Buckle up?

“Let’s talk about your relationship with doctors. I think we have a lot to explore there.” Sadayo sucks air through gritted teeth.

“Do we have to?” She looks up from her phone at Tae sitting in the same spot she’s been in every session, legs crossed in front of her and a clipboard balanced on them. Poised, confident, calm. Everything Sadayo wishes she could be at the best of times. Hell, if she thinks about what happened at that session last week, she goes red in the face and has to sit down. Tae probably doesn’t get like that. _So unfair._

“Would you rather talk about something else?” She’s currently writing something on the clipboard, eyes focused on her task. She probably doesn’t notice how much time Sadayo spends trying really hard not to look directly at her during a session. Hopefully.

“Why about doctors, though...Feeling insecure, maybe?”

“No.” The flat denial stings a little, but she’s had worse. “You mentioned that night when you came in all bloody that you don’t like doctors, and I have a hunch why, but I’d rather confirm it then extrapolate without data.”

“Very scientifically minded of you.” Sadayo straightens up and locks her phone that had been sitting in her lap, setting it aside next to her leg so she doesn’t fidget with it. “This is just about doctors in general, though, okay?” Tae sets down her pen at last, looking up at Sadayo and nodding. “Great. They’re, to a man, convinced they know better than their patients what they need or want. Puffed up bastards who tell me how I’m feeling before I say a word, already have some ailment in mind for you, and just slap a bandage on it and ship you off.”

“So you were misdiagnosed, I gather?” Tae’s got a knowing smirk on her face, and it’s not really clear if she’s enjoying hearing a stereotype of doctors get torn down, or to hear Sadayo get so animated about something. Sadayo clenches a fist in her lap as she continues.

“Yeah. Tell them your period is too painful, they tell you to try and bear with it! It’s only 12 weeks out of the year, after all! Tell them you don’t sleep from the pain, ask for help, and they say a shot of liquor before bed will fix you right up! I was 19, the bastard!” Punctuating her outburst, she throws both her hands in the air, and Tae can’t help but laugh.

“I’m sorry, it’s not funny, it’s just...God, i’ve heard it a thousand times from every female patient I’ve ever had, and at this point it’s gone past tragic.” Sadayo sighs, dropping her hands back into her lap. “Did you ever get proper treatment, then?” Even just thinking about it still drives Sadayo nuts, and it’s been well over a decade.

“Eventually, Sort of. I...the maid job paid for a hysterectomy a few months after I started, all I had to do was sign a contract to work for X years or a total volume of Z yen from my clients. The harder part was finding a doctor to perform the surgery.” She adopts a snide, faux-masculine bass. “‘Don’t you know there is a population crisis in Japan, young woman?’ ‘You should really think very hard about this; after all, what if you decide you want a child later? I can’t be held responsible for that sort of thing, you know.’ And on and on and on. Every one of them looked at me like I was a set of ovaries on legs. Assholes.” Sadayo injects some false cheer into her voice and puts on her customer-winning smile. “So there you have it! Doctors are a bunch of pigs who’ve never done anything for me but cause me grief. ...Present company excluded.” _Now please don’t ask me about how I feel about you._

“Well, that’s as good of a segue as I could ask for, so let’s move on. How do you feel about me?” _God damn it._ Sadayo frowns, crossing her arms and leaning back against the wall behind her.

“Well, you’re the Black Death, right? That’s pretty crazy, so I’m worried about my safety answering that question.” _Good job, great deflection._

“The Plague, actually. I killed some patients, or so they say.” Tae looks far more amused about this than she should be when saying she killed people.

“If you killed patients you’d be in the news, and I looked you up. Not a whole lot of stuff about you, actually. Kind of weird.”

“Maybe I killed all the witnesses.” Her grin looks like it could cut sharper than a scalpel. Sadayo can feel sweat beading on her back.

“So wait, you started the rumor that you’re The Plague then, if there’s no witnesses? Come on. You wanna tell me why you’re really out here and not in a hospital?” Tae shrugs.

“I like it better here than I ever did in the hospital. Too much cutthroat bullshit, not enough medicine. My patients are challenging enough to give me something to do and nice enough to treat me kindly.” Tae picks up her pen again, tapping it against the clipboard gently. “So, I told you a little about me, how about you answer my question and tell me how you feel about me, honestly? We both know it, but we need to work this out sooner or later.”

_Damn it._ Sadayo exhales, trying to think of a way out of this and failing miserably. “Pass? Let’s talk about something else. I don’t think we’ve talked enough about my relationship with a student, or maybe you want to hear more gory details about fucking random men for money?”

“Do you want to talk about either of those topics?”

“...Not really.” _Come on...Think, you idiot. Just throw something out there. It’s therapy, she wants you to talk, so talk!_

“Well, there’s still 45 minutes left in this session, so…” Tae produces her phone from her pocket, tapping something and turning the screen around to show Sadayo a 45 minute timer, then leans forward to set it in her lap. “I’m going to clean up some of my notes on your chart here, so whenever you feel like talking, go for it.” And with that, she starts writing, scribbling out some sections and writing carefully in others. The only sound in the tiny room is Tae’s pen strokes.

Sadayo’s heart is hammering in her ears. _Just tell her, she said she already knows, so what’s the big deal? It’ll just be real then, not you up in your head afraid to reach out. Say it. Say you want her to kiss you again, just to see if what you felt after she fucked you wasn’t just desperation for more contact._ Instead, she picks up her phone, unlocking it and staring at her home screen, feeling the world crash down around her as she tries to do anything at all that isn’t have a panic attack.

Tae slaps her pen down on her clipboard, the loud noise and her voice startling Sadayo so badly she drops her phone and flinches backward. “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that? You are by far the worst patient I’ve ever had to treat.”

“Wh, I-what did I-” Tae’s gaze snaps up to Sadayo, and she freezes mid-sentence, the utterly pitiless look she’s receiving draining all the energy from her.

“Don’t. I shouldn’t say worst, you’re my _hardest_ patient to treat. Do you want to know why, Sadayo?” She sits up straight, never breaking her stare from Sadayo’s face. “Because I’m too _invested_ in you. I can’t be objective. I never rated well on patient interaction, and my bedside manner is nonexistent, but I find myself moderating myself around you. I’m _afraid_ to ask you the questions I know I should be asking. The ones that will make you confront yourself. Because I know how much you will hurt when you hear what you need to hear. But you need to.

Frankly, I shouldn’t even be your doctor anymore. I should have removed myself from your care after last week. But you hate doctors, present company excluded, so who do I even recommend to you that you won’t reject instantly? Who would even speak to me to get you up to speed on what you’ve already told me? We’re stuck here in this room together, and I’m going to hurt you if I keep treating you like this.” Sadayo feels like a bomb just went off in her head, the sound of Tae’s rant echoing through empty streets and against the dead bodies of her racing thoughts, all killed in one fell swoop. So she does the only thing that comes to mind. She picks up Tae’s phone, taps the STOP button in the middle of the countdown, and sets it on the bed before standing and blinking away tears. Tae looks up at her from her seat, flushed and wide-eyed, like even she was shocked by what she said.

“...Okay. Let’s establish some facts.” Sadayo jabs Tae in the forehead with a finger and puts her other hand on her hip. “First off, you’re a fucking idiot. You’re afraid of hurting me? We both know what I’ve been through at this point. I’m already hurt and you couldn’t do any worse than I’ve already done to myself, so go fuck yourself.” Tae shoves her chair back, clenching her teeth and working her jaw up at Sadayo, and it’s at that point that it finally hits her what they’re doing, but she’s so far beyond mad that the small voice in the back of her head screaming for her to stop is being drowned out by the animal rage she feels at Tae.

“Oh, so you can’t be hurt anymore, huh? Well, if I’m your fucking doctor forever now, I’ll tell you what’s wrong with you!” She jabs Kawakami in the ribs with a finger. “You get too invested in people now. That kid who died, Akira, now me. You’re too nice for your own good, and you’ve gotten stuck with shit you don’t deserve twice now. You got real deep in the shithole after that kid died, and Akira pulled you out, but you caught feelings, and now look at you. You burn yourself down to nothing for other people and don’t leave anything for yourself! Christ, do you know what you looked like that night? I thought you’d been raped! I’ll never forget the hollow look in your eyes, it’s a fucking wonder you functioned for 3 weeks like that, much less 3 days.” She jabs Sadayo in the ribs again, right in the same spot, and Sadayo flinches back, tears streaming down her cheeks as Tae continues. “Being reliable is fine, but you turned yourself inside out surviving and when you let someone close and then lost them, it took _everything_ from you. You want to get better? You have to make peace with that, and probably with him too, or you’re going to be like this forever.”

Forever. _Forever. Like this forever._ With one word, all the fight left her. _You’ll be like this forever. No way out. Just this._ Sadayo’s legs buckle out from under her, and she lands on the bed hard and awkwardly, catching herself with one arm. Tae is somewhere panicking, but all Sadayo can think is _forever._ _You broke yourself, and then ripped out anything that was left and threw it out._ She feels Tae grab her hand, and opens her eyes, blinking to clear her vision until she can see her face, paler than she’s ever seen her and terrified.

_“_ Fuck, Sadayo, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I don’t...there’s no excuse for what I said, I got frustrated and I didn’t mean that.” _Liar._ Sadayo swallows, her throat swollen from sobs she was only sort of aware of vocalizing.

“Forever.”

“Sadayo, no, not forever. I didn’t mean that, I-”

“You’re right. All of that was right. God damn it.” Her voice sounds distant, broken and quiet. “I goaded you into saying it, but you were right.” She lets out a chuckle that comes out more like a hiccup. “I guess I found a doctor who actually does know what’s wrong with me, huh?” She closes her eyes again. Looking at Tae right now hurts too much.

“Sadayo, look at me.”

“Shoulda just fucking died when I fell down those stairs. Better an accident than this.” _There. You said it. Now she’ll let you go. Go be broken alone. Forever._ The next thing she feels is a hand digging into her scalp, pulling her head up, then an explosion of pain across her face that forces her eyes open, blasting everything away again and leaving her dazed. Tae’s in front of her again, and she’s crying now, black eyeliner smearing down her face, and she looks pissed.

“Don’t you _ever fucking_ say that. You b-” Tae swallows the next word she was going to say, clenching and unclenching her hand. “Don’t. Don’t run away from this. You’re miserable, you’re depressed, and I just made it a lot worse than it was, but none of that is your fault. You deserve so much better than you’ve ever gotten, Sadayo. Better than your doctors, better than losing someone, better than getting saddled with a false debt that made you do horrible things to survive, better than the boy who loved you even if he shouldn’t have. Better than the doctor who fell in love with you too much to treat you like she should. And I’m sorry I can’t give you what you deserve. But you living gives you the chance to find the things you deserve, and dying doesn’t.”

She lets go of Sadayo’s hair, catching her in an embrace, her chin landing softly on Tae’s shoulder. Her hair smells of dye processor and peaches, and the world goes blue as Sadayo buries her face in it. “I’m sorry I hit you. And I’m still sorry for what I said.” They stay there for a long time, Tae’s arms wrapped under her armpits, a hand cradling the back of her head and the other somewhere else, moving slowly in broad strokes across her back.

Eventually, Sadayo speaks into the crook of Tae’s neck. “Do you still want to know what I think about you?”

“Shut up.” There’s a hint of playfulness there, but mostly they both sound tired.

“You’re a sweetheart who falls for charity cases too easily and tries to hide it by putting on all that goth shit and acting terrifying.” Sadayo feels Tae’s chest move under her when she laughs, and no sensation she’s ever felt is as gratifying as that one is in that moment. “And I think I love you too.” She sits up, and Tae lets her, and their lips meet for a moment, more pressing them together awkwardly than an actual kiss. After that, Sadayo returns to her new favorite spot against Tae’s neck.

“That’s unfortunate. I think we can treat for that, though.”

“Okay, now you need to shut up. And let me up, or my back is going to be killing me tomorrow.” They disentangle, Sadayo rolling fully onto her side on the bed and Tae straightening up on her stool. “So. I guess we’re stuck together, then.”

“Seems like it. Just remember, you wanted this.”

“I thought _you_ wanted _this_.” Sadayo gestures grandly down at herself, and Tae snorts incredulously.

“I wasn’t the one who caught feelings first, love.”

“Oh, okay, sure. So what, you only loved me after you got to sample the goods?”

“If I’d known that you’d get this playful if I yell at you for a few minutes, I’d have done it a week ago.”

“Alright, if I have to hear more of this, I’m gonna puke.” Sadayo sits up, searching the bed for her phone while Tae stands, a hand ready to steady her when she stands. “Thanks. Tomorrow?” Tae looks concerned about her, reaching up to try to straighten the utter mess that  Sadayo’s hair has become after all of that. Not that it was very straight in the first place.

“We can take a break, if you want.”

“...Nah. No point ruining a good thing, I think. You should, uh.” She gestures at her face. “I think your smoky eye is more of a runny eye now.”

“Oh, damn it. Whatever, I don’t have anyone else today, I’m fine.” She does produce a plastic container of makeup removal wipes and sets about cleaning up the shattered remnants of Sadayo’s much more discreet makeup. “There.”

“Thanks, dear.” Sadayo opens the door into the waiting room, blowing a kiss over her shoulder back at Tae.

“Oh, stuff it!” She throws the balled-up wipe out the door at her, but it falls several feet short of the door out of the clinic closing. “...Fucking hell.” She closes the door into the treatment room, then crouches down and hugs her knees. Once she’s sure Kawakami is definitely far enough away from the building, she screams at the top of her lungs into her thighs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to god this chapter was going to be way chiller when I was outlining it! We'll get to them being goofier and happier soon, for real! Well. Happier-ish.


	3. Sleep Study

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tae has a boring day at work spiced up by a new and interesting predicament.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had written this before ch2, or parts of it at least (mostly the dream), but it was like...it didn't flow. so ch2 got written, then once that was done i got to rebuild chapter 3 and add in new stuff, so you get two very quick updates! Enjoy!

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**Should Doctors Use Social Media to Reach Out to Patients?**

**25 Most Influential Doctors Around The Globe**

 

Tae groans, closing the tab she’d opened on her phone.  _ I can’t believe I paid money for this subscription...What a waste of time. _ Rapidly running out of things to do today, she settles for staring at the clock posted on the wall of the waiting area from her seat in the receptionist’s desk. Tick, tock. The sound of rain outside is a dull roar occasionally punctuated by a clap of thunder. No foot traffic, and no appointments besides...the usual.

It’s been a few days since their blowout fight, and...things have been strangely good. She’s more responsive, a little flirty, and very much not the same person she’d been before that, all sullen looks and sighs or stubborn refusal to talk about anything in any real depth. Parts of her are coming back to life, bit by bit. They’re actually working towards something again. 

That isn’t to say Tae isn’t conflicted about this whole thing, still. She really thinks it would be better for Sadayo to see someone else for this, but she knows better than to try to push her on that again. Because...God, she can’t even believe it sometimes, but her heart actually fluttered a little when she came in after their fight. She feels like she’s in college again, meeting her first girlfriend at the library to study in one of the private rooms until one of them ended up in the other’s lap, books forgotten, the only important thing in the world being exploring each other. 

_ God damn it. You’re thirty years old, girl. Just calm down.  _ It’s embarrassing, having feelings for somebody again. Her last relationship is years past, a mutual separation after her partner moved to the country to care for her family. She’d still been in at the hospital then, too concerned with her work to give it up for love, and they both knew it. She hadn’t been lonely, there’s enough bars in Tokyo to find release  _ somewhere _ , but...Maybe she had been. Maybe she’d just forgotten what loneliness felt like until it settled onto her like a cloak. It probably got lost in the shock of losing her position, scrabbling to find a place to survive. By the time she really would have noticed it, it was already normal for her. 

_ Ugh.  _ She’s thought about offering...something, she doesn’t know what, to Sadayo. To kiss her, to sleep in the same bed together, to fuck her raw and screaming in the middle of the night. Any of those, a hundred things besides. She’s already so far past unethical, morally suspect and frankly just bad sense...Even so, she knows she shouldn’t. Not for any of those reasons, but a much simpler one: She doesn’t think Sadayo is ready for something like that. For any of it, honestly. Her wounds are still raw, bleeding and wet with years worth of trauma and suppressed emotion that sliding in to fill the gaps would do more to aggravate them than fix anything. God, does she want to, though. More than she’s wanted anything. More than she wanted to make up for her failure, more than she wanted her status back (though she’s made peace with that now), more than the nights she spent wondering what her life would have been like if she had followed her lover to the countryside, become a small town doctor there instead of here.

_ Fuck this.  _ Tae hops angrily out of her chair, grabbing a stray blank sheet of paper and writing on it in thick marker DOCTOR IS OUT, WILL RETURN AT 18:00 and heading out into the waiting room to tape it to the door and lock it. Boring, dreary rainy day anyway, nobody’s gonna be come calling for anything anyway. She just needs to take a nap, recover her composure and get ready for tonight’s session. All these emotions floating around in her head will just cloud things if she lets them hang around. She settles into the patient cot, setting a timer on her phone and placing it on her stool, just far enough away to be out of her reach. She settles into the pillow, sighing. The last thing she thinks before sleep takes her is that the pillow smells faintly of hibiscus shampoo.

* * *

“-mn it DAMN IT! Of all the days to forget an umbrella!” Kawakami stumbles into the waiting room, thoroughly soaked despite her thick jacket and is now dripping water onto the linoleum. Tae sits up in the receptionist’s chair, startled from daydreaming about something or other by her explosive entrance.

“Oh, hell. Hang on, stay right there, I’ve got towels somewhere.” She hops to her feet and is in the waiting room with a pile of towels in her arms a moment later. “Here, get out of that jacket, it’s gonna have to dry out.” She dumps the towels into a chair nearby and helps Sadayo out of her jacket, revealing a similarly waterlogged emerald green sweater. “How long were you out there in the rain?”

“Like 10 minutes, I ran from the station to here. Can we go in the patient room?” She looks back at the glass doorway behind her. “I’m not into giving people a free show, y’know?”

“Right, right.” Tae steps out of her way, holding the jacket, and Sadayo heads back into the patient room, already pulling her sweater off and revealing a long plane of smooth back.  _ She’s not wearing a bra...Wait, she’s not wearing a bra. What? _ Tae abandons the jacket onto a chair to dry, turning around and locking the door again before grabbing the pile of towels and heading after her. By the time she’s gotten into the patient room and closed the door, Kawakami is stripped down to her black panties and...nothing else, sitting on the bed. Tae flinches when she turns around, carefully directing her gaze over Sadayo’s shoulder and not at the frankly incredible rack suddenly on display for her. She holds out the towels to her, and Sadayo takes one with a smile that barely registers in Tae’s mind over all the other alarm bells going off in there. Tae dumps the rest of them next to her on the bed, turning around and trying to find her clipboard on her desk, which is mostly an excuse to not be facing towards Sadayo.. “It’s been raining all day, and you didn’t bring an umbrella? Or a bra, apparently?”

“Oh, my last one is in the wash, sorry. I was kind of in a hurry this morning, and well, I’m still young enough that they’re still pretty perky, so it wasn’t really a big deal.”  _ She sounds so much more cheerful than usual. Is she enjoying this, or something? _

“Well, leaving that aside...We’ll have to leave your stuff up to dry.” She turns back around to grab Sadayo’s clothes, only to find they’re already hanging from several clips normally used for the privacy curtain, which is now dangling onto the ground. “...Oh, you already...alright. Well, I guess we’ll move on, then.” Tae turns back to Sadayo, who has thoughtfully draped the too-small towel Tae handed her over her chest. It’s so thoroughly wet from drying her off that it might as well have been out in the rain, too, and is conforming rather well to the curves of her chest. Tae bites the side of her tongue and looks up at Sadayo’s face, who looks utterly calm to be nearly totally nude in front of her. 

“What, is there something wrong?” Sadayo quirks an eyebrow at her, seeming genuinely concerned. 

“Maybe you want a dry towel for…” Tae nods downward, indicating her chest, but Sadayo gives a small oh, grabs another towel, and situates it under where she was sitting. “...No, I meant...your chest.”

“Oh. Mm, it’s not really that bad.” She smiles. “Unless it’s bothering you?”

“And if I said that it was?” 

“Well, I can take care of that.” She peels it off slowly, dropping it on the floor with a wet slap. Tae can’t help herself but to look at her chest after all that fanfare. The water beading on her skin, her squeezing her breasts together with the sides of her arms while that smile reveals a hint of wickedness buried in it, the slow rise and fall of her breath shifting them in minute ways.  _ Fuck. _ Finally, Tae breaks her gaze from them, hands shaking in her lap. “You know, doc, I’m pretty cold...Think you could warm me up?” She leans forward, taking one of Tae’s hands in hers and gently tugging. Before Tae has time to think about it, she finds herself sitting on the bed next to Sadayo, whose hand is running through Tae’s hair, and now the whole of her is shivering, unconsciously leaning into the contact. Sadayo leans against her, breasts compressing against Tae’s chest. The scent of hibiscus is filling the air and Tae’s nose when she speaks in a whisper directly into Tae’s ear. “I know you want this. It’s been written on your face for days.” 

God, Tae does want this.  _ So badly. _ “We shouldn’t, you’re not in the right p-” Her protests are stifled by Sadayo’s mouth, a quick, probing kiss that ends in her teeth holding Tae’s lower lip in place, gently enough to not hurt but hard enough to make her point clear. When she releases Tae, it takes all of her self control to trap the disappointed whine in her throat before it escapes. 

“Isn’t it enough that I want it? Right now, you’re not my doctor, you’re the person I love.” Sadayo grabs one of Tae’s hands, pulling it gently upward and placing it directly on one of her breasts, the nipple pressing into the palm of her hand. “Now show me how much you love me back, Tae.” Sadayo’s skin is cold, so cold, but warming rapidly under Tae’s hand.  _ God, I didn’t realize they were this big... _ She squeezes, and is instantly gratified when Sadayo’s breathing hitches, followed by a long, rattling sigh. “Ohh, that feels so good, Tae, don’t stop…” She remains still while Tae lowers her head down to them, tongue wetting her lips. She continues moving her hand on Sadayo’s other breast, and Sadayo continues to barely stifle her moans, her hand in Tae’s hair tightening it’s grip slowly. Tae flicks Sadayo’s nipple with her tongue, and her reaction is a gasp that keeps going higher and higher until it reaches a deafening electronic buzz.

* * *

Tae startles awake as her phone’s alarm releases an ear-piercing shriek of beeps and chirps at an irregular rhythm, perfectly designed to cut through sleep. Dropping the pillow that she had been clutching and massaging in her sleep Tae sits up, swearing to herself under her breath as she snatches up her phone and slaps the phone into silence and dropping it on the bed next to her.  _ What the fuck, Tae? Are you 14 again?  _ She can feel the wet fabric of her panties shift against her as she stands, an uncomfortable reminder of just how badly she’d wanted that dream to continue.  _ Fuck.  _ She slaps the wall, more out of frustration than anything else.  _ Okay. Calm down. The alarm just went off, she’s not going to be here for another hour or two. Just...go around the block, get a new pair, come back. No big deal.  _ She takes a deep breath and exhales.  _ Nobody needs to know you just had a wet dream about your patient/crush. Everything’s going to be fine. _ Adjusting her skirt, she slips out of the pair (not one of her favorites, luckily) and disposes of the evidence in the soiled bedding bin behind the bed, closing it securely and taking the bin into the reception room to take to the incinerator later. Pulling her skirt a little lower, she heads out of the office, too lost in thought about her dream to notice the person on the other side of the door until she nearly walks headfirst into them.

“Hey, doc, did you not get my texts?” Sadayo’s standing in the doorway, closing an umbrella in front of her. “I finished up after class early, so I figured we could get the session out of the way before too late tonight.”  _ Son of a bitch. _ Tae tries to pull her phone out of her pocket, then realizes it’s laying on the bed in the patient room. 

“I, uh, was busy, sorry. Something came up and I wasn’t looking at my phone.”

“Were you headed somewhere, then? You might want an umbrella, cause...” She gestures just past her where the rainstorm seems in full swing, pouring practically sideways with the force of the wind.

“...Shit.” Tae doesn’t keep an umbrella in the office, and it hadn’t been raining this morning.

“You want to share, maybe? What’s going on?” Sadayo looks concerned, tilting her head slightly as she looks Tae over, searching for something wrong.

“N-nothing, I just forgot something at my apartment. I...it’s not important. We can just do your session now, if you still want to.”  _ Shit. Just...damn it!  _ She can’t help but start blushing as Sadayo inspects her.  _ Not right now, fuck! _

“You’re turning red, are you not feeling well then? We can just skip today, if you need to.”

“No, I...Well...Yeah, I’m a little feverish, I guess. I don’t have anything here, but I live around the block and I keep something there for this sort of thing…”

“Oh, if it’s just around the block, we can probably get there and back fast. C’mon, let’s go.” She opens the umbrella over her again, taking Tae’s hand before she has a chance to protest. Sighing, she leads Sadayo around the block to her apartment, punching the code into the pad next to her door. Swinging the door open, Tae turns back when Sadayo stands in the doorway looking confused. “I can just wait out here, it’s really not a big deal-”

“In the rain? Just get in here, already, or you’ll get a fever too.” _Actually, it is a big deal, but she just thinks i’m sick and not terrified and embarrassed about showing her my apartment._ _Thank fucking God for that. Now please be calm about it._ Sadayo follows her upstairs and into her apartment, leaving the umbrella in the hallway in a communal box.

“Wow, didn’t think doctors lived so conservatively. Or in such old buildings.” Sadayo stands in the front entryway of the two-room apartment, slipping out of her shoes while Tae has already headed further in. “Should I just wait here?”

“The dining room is the door straight ahead, if you want to sit, I’ll just be a minute.” Tae calls from down the hall, rifling through the pile of clothes on the floor of her bedroom for a fresh pair of underwear. She should probably buy something to better organize her clothes for her closet, but she runs the clinic 6 days a week, how the hell can she find time to go to a store?

“What, and not see the rest of your apartm-...Tae, come on. Are you 15?” Kawakami is standing in the doorway into her bedroom, staring at the pile Tae was standing over, having just shoved the panties she grabbed into her pocket before Sadayo could see them. “Don’t you have a closet in here?” She walks in like it’s no big deal, opening the closet and finding a very advanced chemistry set sitting on the top shelf, her futon on the bottom. “Seriously?”

“I...like to take my work home with me some days.” Luckily, she’s already blushing so Sadayo doesn’t notice when she turns redder. 

“Jesus, Tae. Am I gonna go in the kitchen and find your science experiments in the fridge?”

“No, because you’re going to sit at my table and  _ not touch anything else _ , if you know what’s good for you.” She steps around her to grab a nondescript bottle off the chemistry shelf, walking back into the entryway and heading for the dining room/kitchen with it.  _ There, I’ll take a sugar pill and she’ll think everything’s fine, I can go in the bathroom and put these on, and we can go about our lives again, blissfully unaware of my stupid libido fucking with my subconscious. _ Sadayo follows her into the room and flops down at the table, stacked high with paperwork and food container detritus. 

“I’m not touching anything, but you live like an animal, doc.” She’s glaring at a container full of half-eaten pork fried rice like it physically hurts her to see. “This is inhumane. If I go in the bathroom, am I gonna find that weird pink mold that grows everywhere?”

“My bathroom is none of your business. In fact, none of it is. You’re only here because you showed up early, I could have just as easily come here alone and made you wait at the clinic.”

“Yeah, and go out into that storm without an umbrella? You’d come back looking like a drowned rat, and then I’d have to take care of you.” Tae shivers, a bead of sweat forming on her forehead.  _ Come on, that’s just a coincidence. Don’t freak out. _ Tae grabs a bottle of water from the fridge, cracking it open and swallowing the sugar pill with a swallow from it, then steps into the kitchen and sets it down in front of Sadayo hard to catch her attention, leaning on the table with one hand. 

“I’m not Akira, Sadayo, you don’t need to take care of me. And we really need to have a talk about your boundaries, too.” She walks away, headed for the bathroom, closing the door and locking it behind her. As she’s slipping the fresh pair of panties on, she hears Sadayo stomp out into the entryway and bang on the door.

“You wanna talk about boundaries, huh? How about this for boundaries, doc? I fucking rubbed one out thinking about you giving me a breast exam yesterday before I went to sleep! Yeah! It wasn’t even sexy!”Tae opens the door, and she’s in the doorway, blocking it with both arms. 

“Jesus christ, Sadayo, why would you tell me that? I’m your doctor, not your girlfriend.” 

“Because you should be both! I don’t get why you’re so hung up on being professional.” Tae crosses her arms, glaring up at Sadayo. 

“ _ Because _ I’m your doctor! I can’t date you and treat you at the same time, that’s not how it works!”

“Bullshit! How many doctors out there wouldn’t give it a second thought if a patient tried to jump their bones?”

“I’m not those doctors, Sadayo! I’m a back alley doctor working with illegal, untested medications, but I’ve still got at least a shred of integrity.”

“Is that why you weren’t wearing panties when I got to the clinic?”  _ Oh GOD DAMN IT. She noticed?! _ “Yeah, I noticed, a skirt that tight always shows underwear lines, but not today. What’s up with that, doc?”

“I...It was j-” Tae stops, holding up a hand. “I’m not discussing this with you. You’re my patient, that’s it. Maybe once your treatment is complete, then we can consider something else.”

“Then I’m not moving.” She leans forward in the doorway, leaning against the frame. “I guess you’ll just die in your filthy bathroom!”

“Oh for-you’re being so childish!”

“Yeah, it takes one to know one! Why weren’t you wearing panties, doc? Just tell me and this’ll all be over!”  _ Fuck it. Fuck it! You wanna hear it so bad, then- _ Tae grabs Sadayo’s face in both hands while she’s still leaned down to her height, kissing her as hard as she can. When Tae releases her, panting, Sadayo looks stunned.

“I had a fucking spontaneous orgasm during a dream about you, god damn it! I was gonna hide it, but you showed up on my doorstep early and ruined it, okay?”

“Spon-you had a wet dream?” She blinks. “About me?” Tae crosses her arms.

“Move. Get out of my apartment. You’re crossing a line!” Sadayo laughs, leaning against the side of the doorframe and smirking.

“What the hell, you have a wet dream about me and you’re  _ mad  _ about it?”

“Shut up! Just, get out, god damn it…”

“Mmm...no. We’re stuck together, remember? It seems like that glue’s a little stronger than either of us thought, though.” Tae groans, sitting down on the toilet behind her and hiding her face in her hands. 

“It’s not like I wanted this to happen, you just...ugh. Damn it. You’re my patient! I’m not supposed to be thinking about fucking you when I’m trying to treat you!”

“So what?” Tae looks up at her over her hands, eyebrows furrowed. “We just set boundaries! Nothing in the clinic, easy! You’re a doctor when you’re there, you’re my girlfriend when we’re out anywhere else. I may have fucked up my boundaries when I was working, but you don’t have to do the same thing. Hell, you’re smarter than me, so you probably won’t.”

“I...guess it could work…”

“Great!” Sadayo lurches forward, grabbing Tae by the hand and pulling her to her feet. “Now, session canceled, because we’re going to go buy cleaning and organizing shit for your apartment, and then spend the night cleaning this dump up right.” She starts dragging her out into the entryway. 

“Okay, come on, that’s too far.” Tae resists, pulling backwards, but Kawakami has several inches of height and probably 10 kilo on her, so her protests are in vain.

“Hey, you said you’d be my girlfriend, and my girlfriend does not live like a 19 year old who hates their parents.” She comes to a halt at the door, turning around to Tae.  _ God, what now…? _

“Aren’t we going?” Sadayo leans down, pulling Tae into a tight hug which only partially involves burying Tae’s face in her chest. She smells strongly of hibiscus and rainwater.

“Thank you for not being like every other doctor.” Tae blinks, shrugging when Sadayo releases her.

“...You’re welcome?” Sadayo opens the door and walks out into the hallway, stretching her arms while Tae finishes locking up again. Grabbing the umbrella from the bin and opening it, they head out into the afternoon rainstorm together, hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have the floorplan I based Tae's apartment off of anymore but it's basically like...a weird off-center +? clockwise it's kitchen/dining bathroom entryway bedroom? so you'd turn left and then immediately right to go into the kitchen from the entryway instead of like...straight. Japanese apartment floorplans are wild.
> 
> I don't know why i love these two yelling at each other, but I do. they're both too strong-willed to do anything but argue and then make up. It's weird.


	4. House Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy oh boy. I never expected to take 5 months off from this, and yet, I definitely did. So...we're back? Enjoy?? I'm hoping to finish this out relatively quickly but that was the plan for all my ongoing series so we'll see how THAT goes.

They don’t get back to Tae’s apartment together that night; Sadayo realizes all too late that she has papers to grade and a test to write for Monday, and her Sunday ends up consumed by work. They do manage to purchase all the needed supplies for a deep cleaning of Tae’s apartment, despite her vehement protests, and she ships Tae off back to her apartment for the weekend with instructions and a kiss on the cheek that makes both of them blush like schoolkids. Sadayo blames spending so much time around teens and all their hormones, while Tae puts it down to her long dry spell.

  
Regardless, they make plans for the date night of the working professional for next weekend: takeout and a movie on Tae’s laptop.

  
And this time, Sadayo goes out of her way to ensure she’s got the next week’s lesson plan prepared before then.

  
Their other preparations, though…

* * *

Tae groans as she surveys the mountain of takeout containers, bills and miscellaneous detritus that makes up her kitchen table; old bottles of hair dye she wanted to reorder but could never get around to, nail polish remover bottles rubber banded together, a bottle of orange carbonated water that she drank a single sip from and then put down on the table and did her best to forget existed. Bereft of ideas, she takes a photo of it and texts it to Sadayo with a crying emoji attached and sits down at the table, glaring at her own mess.

  
It’s sort of apt, in a way, for the last month of Tae’s life. Of both of their lives, technically.

**Sadayo:** I’m gonna be really mad if you make me clean that crap up when I get there…  
**Tae:** I’m doing it!! I’m just showing you the depths my love will go to for u  
**Sadayo:** Or the depths your diet goes to…I can’t believe you eat like that and still look like a stick

Tae snorts, sticking her phone back in her bra and gets to her feet, rifling through the bag of cleaning crap Sadayo insisted she buy. Surely she bought garbage bags somewhere in that whirlwind shopping spree through Yongen in the middle of a rainstorm…

* * *

Sadayo stands in front of her bed, chin in her hand as she looks at a pile of clothes on her bed. In her haste to make sure she had taken care of her classwork, Sadayo had ignored…basically everything else. The sink behind her was piled high with dishes and half-washed mugs of coffee, the kitchen table a wasteland of graded papers stacked haphazardly by class. She doesn’t want to think about the pile of…research material…on her coffee table.

  
Look. It’s her first time…dating, going on a date, if this is even a date, with a woman? Tae said ‘her girlfriend’ once before, so she’s clearly experienced on at least some level. Sadayo had a lot of catching up to do! Especially if everything she's read online about ‘Netflix and chill’ phenomenon is true…

  
Anyway. She has bigger problems than being extremely anxious at the possibility of having relations with this beautiful doctor she cares about far more than she probably should. Namely, the fact that she has absolutely no decent date clothes to wear to this date. It may be a stay-in date, but…you still dress up for those, right? Who do you ask this kind of shit to?

  
Sadayo sits down on her bed in the her-shaped part of it that isn’t covered by dirty clothes, thumbing through her contacts on her phone. Coworkers are right out, for obvious reasons. As are friends from Victoria…and friends from college who she hasn't spoken to in years…

  
Shit.

  
Buried in the list she finds Akira's phone number. She threw away the burner she was using to sext him weeks ago (after wiping it, duh), but she still had texted him from here occasionally for study dates. They haven't spoken in private since the night she went to Tae's clinic, when she banned him from contacting her.

  
She taps the contact and jumps to her messaging app.

**Sadayo:** Hypothetically, if one were going on a date night in at their place, what would one wear?

She hit send before regret had time to well up from it's pitch-dark pit in her heart. Minutes pass as she switches to checking her mail, waiting for a reply. By the time she finishes that, there’s still no response. Sadayo locks her phone and pitches it onto the couch. No need to confront all those messy emotions today, no sir. Just time to do some laundry before the date, that's all. She gathers up a random bundle of laundry in her arms and heaves it into the basket. Staring at it, she hears the phone buzz on her couch once, then twice a moment later. She turns her head to watch it, waiting to see if it moves again like a wary prey animal, then slowly approaches. The screen buzzes one last time, revealing a few notifications scrolling down from the top.

**Tae:** actually, two bottles. Let's have a good time  
**Tae:** ask a favor? Pick up a bottle of red wine on your way over? I'm gonna be too busy doing battle with my bedroom mess so we have somewhere to lay ;)  
**Tae:** Hey

Sadayo releases the breath she had been holding, shaking her head to herself. Stupid to be this worked up over a fucking text message to her ex. He’s not gonna respond, of course he’s not. This late at night, he’s probably off doing some weird heart-stealing bullshit. He’s got better things to do than deal with her mess.

  
She leans awkwardly down with her hamper of laundry balanced against her hip, grabbing her phone and replyinh to Tae as she walks out of the apartment.

**Sadayo:** Let’s make it 3.  
**Tae:** Heyyyy, great idea

* * *

The night of the date, Tae practically jitters with nervous energy in her reception seat as she waits for office hours to end. They’re meeting here when she closes, so she’s set up some surprises for Sadayo when she gets here. The room lighting is turned down low, and she found an old red light bulb in her cleaning frenzy so she’s got it in the floor lamp behind her, tinting the room crimson where it isn’t lit by fluorescent lighting. She also found an MP3 player dating back to college, and hooked it up to the sound system she never uses to play some of her old favorites at a low volume. It’s mostly american grindcore, with the odd visual kei or metal band thrown in.

  
Granted, the aesthetic here is perhaps more haunted house than first stop for an alluring date night. But if you’re gonna date The Plague, you have to get used to her taste in music and mood lighting. Which is why she’s brought out the spiderweb dress and accented it with her tallest chunky gladiator heels, bringing her only a few inches away from being the same height as Sadayo.

  
Not that she’s trying, or jealous of her height, of course. She just likes this pair of shoes, is all. Definitely.

  
All of that said, Tae is bored out of her skull. Her caseload has been almost nonexistent, and the last time she saw Akira was a day or two ago, when he loaded up on as much medicine he could buy and disappeared without much more than a ‘thanks. see you’ for the trouble. What a strange kid. Stealing hearts must be hard work, if you need that many heavy painkillers and wound care supplies just to get through the week.

  
Tae’s thoughts are brought to an abrupt halt by a distant scream, coming from somewhere out in the neighborhood.

One she recognizes.

* * *

Sadayo pulls the cloth bag full of wine bottles higher on her shoulder as she exits the train station, sighing. Commuting to this podunk part of Tokyo on a Saturday night leaves much to be desired, especially with an overnight bag in addition to her load of alcohol. Still, she made it more or less intact, and her makeup is fine, and her hair remains carefully pinned upwards into a faux-messy bun. Between that, the white blouse and pencil skirt, she’s going for a hard-working secretary look, to see if Tae goes for it. Maybe if she gets some fake glasses somewhere…

  
Passing by an alley on the way to Tae’s clinic, she pauses. It’s pretty narrow, but…something’s blocking the light from the other side…

  
“Wait—” A familiar voice croaks, and Sadayo’s eyes widen as the shadow resolves in the streetlight as it walks closer, leaning heavily on the wall. The figure trips on a foot bent at an angle it shouldn't be capable of, sliding down the wall and slamming into the asphalt. Their head turns up towards Sadayo, a hand reaching out to her, and they say, “Help.”

  
Sadayo screams.

* * *

Tae bursts through the door of her clinic, searching the eerily empty streets for the source of the scream. She finds Sadayo staggering down the street, Akira Kurusu’s arm slung over her shoulder. Tae can instantly tell from the way he leans on Sadayo and drags one foot behind himself that he’s broken an ankle at minimum. Then they pass under a streetlight, and she gets a good look at him, realizing how bad it truly is. He’s bleeding freely from a wound to his forehead where it isn’t covered by half-healed, yellowing bruises and scabbed over cuts. His lip is split, and the hand at his chest that isn’t around Sadayo’s shoulder leads her to believe he’s broken at least one rib.

  
“We need to get him inside.” Tae’s triage instincts kick in, and she rushes over, taking Akira’s other arm and helping Sadayo carry him through the door and into the office, kicking the half-open patient room door all the way open and leading them inside. They lower Akira down onto the cot slowly together, but once they release him he falls sideways, barking in pain and clutching his side. “God damn it, he’s probably got broken ribs. What happened?” Tae turns to Sadayo, taking her hand. “Can you go get Sojiro? He should b-”

  
“No.” Akira grunts, groaning in pain. “Leblanc…surveillance. Stay hidden. Safer…”

  
“…Okay.” Tae glances back at him, then at Sadayo. She’s on the verge of tears, her hand Tae hasn’t taken clutching her shirt right over her heart. Somewhere along the way, she got Akira’s blood all over the front of her blouse, a streak of red down the expanse of white. “Sadayo, are you okay? Talk to me.”

  
“I—I just, I was walking, and he was in an alley, and it just, I just—” Sadayo sniffs, loudly, and blinks rapidly. “I—I can’t be here. I shouldn’t be here. I—I have to—” Tae squeezes Sadayo’s hand, and she trails off.

“It’s okay. Go outside, I’ll take care of everything. Try to catch your breath.” Tae releases her, walking away and pulling on a pair of gloves.

Sadayo turns back to Akira, staring with wide eyes. “…I’m sorry.” She turns and walks out, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

Sadayo moves in a daze, stumbling towards a chair and sitting down heavily, tears already falling onto the floor. She held it together long enough to get him to safety, but now…She can’t stop thinking about him.

Takase. The first boy she abandoned and got killed.

Akira told her not to blame herself, when he found out about him, about her debt, everything she did to pay her penance for him. The villains were his family, forcing him to work for their leisure. But…she never really accepted it. They were monsters, without a doubt…but so was Sadayo. A monster who abandoned a boy to save her petty little career.

And now she did it again.

Sadayo’s mind reels with imagined nightmares, all the ways Akira could have been hurt this badly, left on the edge of death in a ditch. The mundane, like Akira getting hit by a car, maybe even while he’s distracted by his text message notification going off. The tenuous, Akira typing out a reply to her with a smile as the train he’s riding derails in a crowded station, him the only survivor clinging to life. The fantastical, Akira doing whatever a Phantom Thief does, in a balaklava (and his uniform?) hidden behind a dumpster, until his phone rings, and the herd of yakuza turn towards him with knives and pipes and bats and guns-

She can’t take this. It’s too much. Today was supposed to be nice. But—she doesn’t deserve nice. Not after this. It’s only once this dawning realization reaches Sadayo that she realizes the state of the waiting room bathed in soft red light, a chugging bass thumping from the small speaker on the reception desk.

Tae tried to decorate. For her.

The fight goes out of her, what little anger she had draining away to pure, unmitigated sorrow. These people she loves, who love her back with the simplest gestures, the people that she disappoints every time she can manage to. Can’t even have a netflix date without some of her old baggage cropping up. Christ, at this point Sadayo is more baggage than not, an empty shell of a woman carrying the garbage that was her life around her neck.

Around and around, her mind turns to the fact that she shouldn’t be here, skipping like a broken record, distorting and twisting in her thoughts. She wishes she could find the courage to walk back into that room, to scream and cry for Akira, to beg forgiveness for every wrong she’s ever done to him. The scorn, the pity, the breakup, the sorrow. To find the strength to walk away from them, that they would be better off without her, and she can go die in a ditch somewhere in Akira's place.

It would be pointless, of course, far too little and much too late. Her pathetic deathbed play for pity or forgiveness won’t save him. At least Tae can do something for him. What good is she?

Instead, she stands, pacing and trying to breathe, fire and acid burning her throat. Nausea roils her stomach as she imagines Tae doing her best for this poor kid, the one who no one ever cared for.

Even as much as she hates herself, wishes she could just walk away and remove herself from their lives, let them live in peace, she can’t bring herself to abandon them. Bereft of other options, Sadayo gives up, weeping as quietly as she can manage. As the minutes turn to hours, the adrenaline crash hits her in a wave, and she passes out sitting up, tears staining twinned tracks down her face.

* * *

Tae moves through triage procedure like a woman possessed, cutting Akira’s turtleneck open with a pair of trauma shears she hasn’t needed to use in years. The bruise patterns, the sickly black section of his right side…Akira got stomped, hard. She can practically see the soles of their shoes imprinted on his skin.

“Who did this…?” Tae keeps cutting, tearing through pants with ease to reveal another dozen bruises and bleeding cuts. She’s starting to get worried about internal hemorrhage, with how badly he’s been worked over, and his ankle and foot are too swollen for her to try to remove his shoes without destroying them, too.

“P—police.” Akira mutters. “Double-cross…double-double-cross. Got out.”

Tae’s eyes narrow as she looks over Akira’s wounds, mentally prioritizing them in order of treatment. “You’re very lucky to be alive. If you’re bleeding internally, though, you might not be lucky at all. You need to go to a hospital.” She turns away from her patient for a moment, returning with antiseptic she pours liberally onto his head wound, the iodine dripping into his eyebrows. He hisses in pain, digging fingers into the cheap bedding of the cot.

“M’ fine.” Akira grunts when Tae starts with his forehead wound. “Patch enough…to move. ‘ll be fine.”

Tae huffs, shaking her head. “You’re an idiot. Your ankle is broken and I don’t have casting materials, let alone the time to do it. You interrupted my date.” Tae mutters the last sentence as she turns away in search of needle and thread.

“…Sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. Just…bad timing.” Tae starts suturing the flap of skin on Akira’s head shut. “She didn’t need stitches then like you do now, but you fucked her up good just about every other way.” Tae pauses. “Not your fault either. Just an observation.”

“Can’t—make everyone h-happy. Not then, not now.” Akira speaks through gritted teeth as Tae finishes the stitches and moves on to another bleeding cut.

“‘Then’ was only a few weeks ago, Akira. Do you still care about her?” Tae’s voice is mild, but her movements are anything but, laying a bandage on his forehead and slapping tape on it.

“…’course. But—I’m not. The right one.”

“Mm.” Tae sighs, putting down her roll of tape. “You need bed rest, absolutely no movement. That rib won’t heal right otherwise, and your ankle too. Leblanc is under surveillance?”

“Yeah.” Akira tries to sit up as Tae starts cutting through the leather of his shoe, but collapses halfway. “…Fuck. I’m useless.”

“Are you? Seems like someone thinks you’re very important, if they went to all this effort to try to drug and kill you.” Tae doesn’t ask the question she really wants to. Instead, she cuts away his shoe, wincing when she sees how swollen his foot is. “You’re not going to be walking unaided for a few weeks, minimum. You need somewhere to recuperate enough to even exist.”

“Here.” Akira nods to the cot. “Don’t know…we're connected.”

“…Sit still, you need more stitches.” She grimaces and digs the suture needle into his ribs, and Akira cries out in agony.

* * *

“Hey.” Tae’s voice awakens Sadayo in a blink, hazily coming back to life to find herself leaning heavily on Tae’s shoulder. Tae is watching her, a sad smile on her lips.

“Is he…” Sadayo trails off, looking away from Tae and down at her hands, realizing for the first time that they're streaked with his blood, as is her shirt.

“He's gonna make it, for now. We can't move him. His ankle, and so many stitches, he might start bleeding internally if he doesn't rest for a few days.” Tae sighs.

“I want to help.” Sadayo says in a whisper, head resting against Tae's.

“No.” Tae’s denial is flat, and she shakes her head gently. “Sadayo, we both know how bad an idea that is. I came out here and you looked about half as bad as Akira did. I don’t want to see you hurt yourself over this kid.”

“You need help. He needs help.” Sadayo pleads.

“This isn’t about him right now, this is about you. I can handle taking care of him on my own, but you fell apart from minute one, the moment you saw him.”

“Christ, Tae…” Sadayo sits up, wiping her eyes. “He was beaten within an inch of his life!” Sadayo’s eyes swim, but she refuses to cry, not again. Not over this.

“Yeah, they tried to kill him! The police, Sadayo. He’s a wanted criminal, this isn’t safe for you!”

“But it’s safe for you.” Sadayo mutters, eyes narrowing.

“No, it isn’t, but I’m the fucking doctor, so I’m the only one who has to stick my neck out for my patient! Please, Sadayo, just drop this. You’re not gonna be any help to me, because you still fucking love him.” Tae sighs, not meeting Sadayo’s eyes. “And don’t even try to deny it, it’s all over your face.”

Sadayo winces, turning in her seat towards Tae. “Tae…He’s my student, he’s just a kid, and he’s bleeding out on your bed. You need all the help you can get.” She takes Tae's hand, lacing their fingers together. “I can't just walk away and watch you shoulder the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. Not if I can help you. Help him. We can…figure out where everyone stands later. But…I won't let Akira die like this.”

“…He's not dying on my watch, either.” Tae meets Sadayo’s eyes, and squeezes her hand. “Our watch.”


	5. Intensive Care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's gonna get bad for a bit.

**TAKEMI CLINIC INDEFINITE CLOSURE — EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY**

DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND THE CONTROL OF CLINIC STAFF WE ARE CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

WE ARE SINCERELY SORRY FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE THIS MAY CAUSE.

CURRENT PATIENTS OF THE CLINIC ARE ADVISED TO CONTACT DOCTORS KITAMURA AND ICHI WITH THE LOCAL HOSPITAL, AS THEY HAVE AGREED TO PROVIDE CARE UNTIL DR. TAKEMI’S RETURN.

The notice taped to the inside of the glass door is backed by black curtains, making it stand out even in the November gloom. Sadayo was trusted with Tae’s emergency key after they worked out how they were planning to try to keep Akira alive and safe, unlocking the door and entering as quietly as she can manage and locking it immediately after. Tae is in charge of all medical decision-making, and Sadayo charged with keeping the both of them safe from the police and whoever might come looking. The sign was her idea, as was her coming by after work with food and consumables for them both, as well as whatever medical crap Tae ends up needing or running out of through the day. They agreed that Sadayo missing work is not a good plan; with Akira missing, her giving any indication she knows where he is will be a big red flag.

Not to mention everything that happened between them. Best to keep her distance until Akira's out of the woods.

It's for the best. She just has to keep reminding herself that.

It’s for the best.

Sadayo tries to tell herself that as she steps into the front room, freshly rearranged into a makeshift bunk room for Tae to sleep in. The chairs have all been shoved to one side and stacked neatly, with one of Tae’s spare futons laid out in the new space. Using this as the sleeping area puts Tae between Akira and the only entrance (the fire escape has long ago been illegally sealed behind various medical devices in the back), but Tae wouldn't agree to anything else. Something stupid about a doctor's duty to her patient. Locking the door behind her, Sadayo spreads the bags of assorted odds and ends across the seats in the back, sorting through them and setting them out where they can be reached.

She's delaying going into the patient room to check on them both, and she knows it. Last night was bad...no, apocalyptic. Today will be worse, and it's not going to get better any time soon. Instead, she turns a pair of pre-made bento over in her hands, curry and rice. She thinks about the night he taught her the recipe, his guardian's recipe. Leaving her to tend the pot while he made coffee for them both, eating with her side by side at the bar, joking about school or asking what the other teachers are like when the students aren't around.

There's a hundred hundred memories like that waiting for her where she locked them away. Shared moments of silence that say more than either of them ever could, bad jokes that made her laugh despite themselves, and the heat of the moment that kept drawing them closer to one another.

 _God damn it, don't cry. Not yet. You haven't even seen him yet._ Sadayo wipes her eyes on her arm, the set of her shoulders crumbling at the thought of him.

_Nobody should ever have to go through this._

* * *

Tae shifts in her seat, straightening up and checking the thermometer in the dim light. “Your body temperature is lower. Do you feel cold anywhere?” She arches a brow when Akira nods with the slow movements of the bedridden. She's seen it a thousand times, but it’s vanishingly rare in someone who should be strong as an ox. She suppresses a yawn and nods to herself, humming in frustration.

Once she got Sadayo out of the equation for the night, she spent most of it making sure all his wounds were attended to properly, once the worst had been taken care of. There's cigarette burns and marks from handcuffs and zipties, and a horrific handprint around his neck. Someone (the shoe prints are all the same size) did a number on him. It's a miracle he's even alive, a testament to how hardy he really is compared to the general population. Not many people could have been her trial candidate, but he hardly even complained. It seems like he hardly complains about anything, though, which is complicating things for her. Without any of the diagnostics equipment she could have relied upon in the hospital, she has to trust his statements as fact and work off of that and the few tests she has available.

And all the while, the proper doctor voice in the back of her head is reminding her that he could be bleeding internally, and all of this could be a lost cause, a waste of time, energy and emotional fallout.

That same cynical voice is silenced when the door unlatches, Tae’s hand closing around the scalpel hidden in her jacket pocket.

“How is he?” Sadayo whispers as she leans around the door, slipping into the room as quietly as she can. Tae releases a breath along with the scalpel, smiling and trying not to let her fatigue show.

“Well...” She glances over at him playing at being asleep, and shrugs. “He's been fading in and out all day. He’s not out of the woods, by a long shot. The best I can do is manage his pain and make sure anything surface-level is taken care of until we make sure he’s out of the woods.”

“Show me what you need me to do and I'll help.” Sadayo sits down on the edge of the bed gingerly next to Akira, facing Tae. “This can't just be your fight, it's not fair.” She takes Tae’s hand, meeting her tired look with defiance. “You've been up all night, I can see it. And I know if I leave you're gonna do it again. Just let me help...let me do anything.”

“What happened to you going to work like nothing happened? Our cover? Protecting us?” Tae doesn't release her hand, instead rubbing her thumb in small circles on the back of Sadayo’s hand.

“It wasn't that long ago I was up all night with that maid job running across town all night and going to school after a 20 minute nap. I need you at your best to save Akira, and we both know it.” Sadayo swallows, tears welling in her eyes. “I owe him my life. I can't just watch him die because I stood there and did nothing for him. Please, Tae.”

Tae shakes her head. “Sadayo…This is a bad idea. You'll hurt yourself in more ways than you think you will. This isn't…” She trails off, already knowing what would happen if she finished her thought, said “Akira wasn't worth it”. Worth throwing her life away again for, so soon after she took it back with Akira's help. She's tried so hard to see what Sadayo sees, what she should see in Akira as the boy who gave her her dignity as a doctor back: a boy that needs help from both of them.

But the doctor in her, the person who has lost so many people she put her hope and her life and all of her heart into both inside and out of her work, sees a long shot getting longer by the hour.

This isn't going to end well, and all of them know it. It's just a matter of how much the experience hurts them before it stops.

“Okay.” Tae relents, squeezing Sadayo’s hand with what little strength she has left. “I need to eat, then I'll show you everything. Can you go heat up something? I’ll be out in a minute.” Sadayo nods and leaves the room, and Tae sighs to herself once the door closes. “You’re going to have to talk to her sooner or later, you know.” Tae says as she stands and goes about checking his dressings.

“I’ve hurt her enough already.” Akira murmurs, wincing as Tae palpitates his abdomen for rigidity.

“Stubborn ass. You’re not Sojiro’s real son, but you sure as hell act like it. She's hurt now like this, and you playing silent is only going to make it worse.”

* * *

That night, Akira takes a turn for the worse.

The slight dip of temperature turns into a steep dive, shivering uncontrollably and spouting nonsense when he’s not out cold in every sense of the word. Tae gives up her futon to keep him warm, sleeping curled up on the floor with only Sadayo’s jacket around her shoulders. Even still, Sadayo spends all night doing everything she can, balancing Akira’s dangerously low temperature with the need to change dressings for wounds that have thankfully stopped bleeding. Several times, he mutters nonsense, something about a ‘Goro’ interspersed with pleading and violent tremors. He never once addresses her during his delirious episodes, and many times seems to come back to himself when he realizes she’s there, sees her sitting next to him and stops dead, as if embarrassed.

Maybe he should be.

Maybe both of them should be.

She was content to move on, such as it would be. She knows his time on probation is up soon, the year drawing to a snowy end that signals his return to the country, to some town Sadayo’s never heard of and likely will never see. Somewhere far enough that she can live comfortably knowing that she will never see him again, never feel that pang of...longing? Regret? Desire? Something, something she’s afraid to even try to confront yet. If she’s learned something with Tae, it’s that healing takes time, a lot of time. She knows that having to face him down now is far too early for her. Relapse, or something like it, stares her in the face because she has to look at the boy who loved her enough to step in, to save her life and her soul. She has to give him at least that much in return.

To do anything less would be a betrayal for both of them.

She mops his brow with a warmed towel, watching his face contort, fistfuls of futon bedding clenched in each hand. “Hey. You in there?” She tries experimentally, jaw clenched in worry. Akira says nothing, breathing slowly but deeply, the ever-present slight wince from the pain coming from everywhere that tells her he really is awake. “You don’t have to talk to me. I get it.” She wrings the towel out and dunks it in the bowl of hot water turned tepid. “But it’s only 3am, and I’m still here for another few hours, and I’m getting antsy watching you.” She mops his brow again, fighting to keep her voice nonchalant. “Watching you hurts, Akira. Tae said it was the cops. Is that right?” Akira breathes out, somewhere between a grunt of pain and a moan of agony. “Is your team okay? You can’t just be a one man army, there’s no way. You have to have accomplices. People like...Tae. Like me. Are they going to be okay? Do we need to pass them a message?”

“No.” Akira’s voice is barely audible, breathy and weak. “Stay away from them.”

Sadayo sets her jaw, fighting not to grind her teeth or shout. “I just want to help you, Akira. You’re not giving us much to work with.”

“Stop.” There’s a long pause before Akira speaks next, and Sadayo spends it squeezing the rag in one hand, water soaking her pants as she waits for him to speak, sorrow and fury building and feeding off each other. “You’re in enough danger as it is. No more.” He has the gall to smile, to try to pretend the boy on death’s door has everything under control.

“Hah.” She actually laughs once, all that anger that had built up expelled like smoke. “You haven’t changed a bit, have you.”

She’d realized it a long time ago. Akira didn’t love her. Not exactly, or not in the same way she had loved him. He found hurt people, broken people, and he fixed them as best as he could, and moved on. Once she heard Tae’s story, and put together the pieces about Kamoshida and Akira’s threatened expulsion in combination with his crimes towards Sakamoto and Takamaki, she knew. She was just the only one stupid and broken enough to hang around. So he took her on, like a long-term project, like remodeling a living room. New wallpaper, brighter fixtures, a more open floor plan, but the lumber inside the walls is still splitting under the strain of the rest of the house, more and more of the floorboards pushing up through the carpet like rotting teeth. He wasn’t equipped to fix what was wrong, and they both knew it on some level. And she knew that, and knew that he cared for her but never loved her, not in the way she wanted or needed. She opened herself to him as far as she could and further, chasing him and begging for him to let her in, and hit wall after wall after wall, every way she turned.

She’s so over running into walls. She never wants to do it again.

She doesn’t speak the rest of the night, and neither does Akira. When Tae comes in to check on her in the early pre-dawn hours, she finds Sadayo crying silently over Akira, her hands inches from his, so close to reaching out to him.

* * *

“You need a real doctor.” Tae drops the clipboard she was holding in her lap, doing little to hide the disdain in her voice. She watches Akira struggle to sit up, propped up by every pillow from her apartment. His eyes when he meets her gaze looks wild, too wide. In some ways, he’s better than he was last night, but now he’s developed a tremor that won’t leave and erratic breathing, shallow panting interspersed with long, painful-looking gulps of air. “Whatever they gave you is ruining your body’s ability to regulate temperature. You need medical care I can’t give you here. I know some of the emergency care doctors nearby, they can help.”

That matter-of-fact triage doctor voice rings in her ear, saying people in his position die all the time, even with the proper treatment.

“I’m staying.” His voice is flat, despite the shaking of his hands.

“You’ll die. You have to go to a hospital.” Oh, irony of ironies, that Tae is sending her real, non-urgent patients to a hospital two train stops (or a very short ambulance ride) away that could fix every single problem Akira has in hours. Minutes, maybe. She hadn’t missed all the resources she had at the hospital until the moment she needed them.

“How is she? Sa— Kawakami.” Tae’s lip twitches when Akira corrects himself. She can’t begin to explain her anger at him _to_ him, so she tamps it down as far as she can and banishes the image of Sadayo weeping even as Tae lead her out to the front room from her mind. Sadayo’s asleep out there now (the school already informed of a tragic illness in the family that will take up days to resolve). which is the only thing keeping Tae from standing up and screaming for Akira to get out of her clinic.

She’s never been this angry at someone in her offices before. Never been this angry maybe ever. She knows he doesn’t deserve her blame, her fury. But despite that rational voice, she’s still fighting to keep her already-poor bedside manner from deteriorating further.

“She’s burning at both ends trying to help us both. I’m to blame for some of it, but she’s too much like you. Ready to sacrifice everything for somebody she barely knows.” She tucks that last barb in, a detail she could hardly believe in their discussions of Akira during therapy; the boy is a closed book to even the woman he spent so many hours with. She gave so much more to him than Tae did, and yet she knew very nearly as much as Sadayo did.

“...Sorry.” He finally looks away, down at his hands. “Maybe I should…”

“Thirty seconds ago you were ready to stay here till you die.” Tae can’t keep the anger out of her voice anymore. “Do you love her? Is this your idea of protecting Sadayo?”

“...I’m sorry. I don’t...” Akira shivers harder, wrapping his arms around his knees.

“I know.” Tae sighs, picking up her pen and tapping it against the clipboard. “I’ll arrange an ambulance, they can get you moved to a hospital. I still have some friends who can get you entered as a Yamada Tarō, an anonymous patient. Nobody in Tokyo could hope to find you.” She watches him, feral eyes staring a hole in the wall in front of him while his legs twitch involuntarily under his chin. She can’t even begin to imagine how much the tremors hurt, compounding pain of movement on pain of wounds on pain of heart. He’s a thief reduced as far as he can go without dying, who can’t even walk out of here unaided.

“...She wasn’t like this, before. I thought I helped.” Akira doesn’t look at her, but uncoils all that nervous energy and lays down, limbs stilling millimeter by millimeter. “I thought I could make her happy.”

Somehow, Tae can’t find that core of anger anymore, raw and red only moments before. Akira’s not malicious, or stupid, or cruel. She sees a younger version of herself, going through his own version of what happened to her with Miwa. As much as she may hate what has happened to Sadayo, it happened because a young, beaten down boy saw someone in pain and tried to help. It’s his fault, at least partially, but...hasn’t he paid for it enough, now?

Instead, she takes a breath, and says the thing she knows he needs to hear. That she needed to hear years ago, advice she only realized not that long ago, with his help. “...You did help. Saved her from a slow death by inches. You gave her hope. But...she needed more than just a savior. You did your best, but you’re not God, and you can’t fix every problem someone has. You did a lot for her, there’s no denying that, but you have to let go. For her sake as much for your own.”

He silently stares up at the ceiling for awhile, face blank. Finally, he closes his eyes. “Okay.”

——————————————-

Tae supervises the patient transfer from the waiting room, seated on the floor next to Sadayo. Sadayo, for her part, remains deep in sleep, not even stirring when Tae can’t help herself anymore and begins running fingers through her hair. She finds herself silently praying to anyone that will listen that this passes, all of this: Akira, the patient transfer, his recovery, Sadayo moving on. Maybe they can find a way to get Sadayo more time off than they did, a doctor’s note for bed rest. It’s test season soon, but surely Tae can come up with something. Akira barks in pain from the patient room, and Sadayo shifts in her sleep, rolling onto her side and murmuring wordlessly.

“Try and keep it down, would you?” Tae hisses, smoothing down curls against Sadayo’s ear.

“Sorry, ma’am.” One of the emergency workers says from the doorway. “We gave him something for the pain, he should be out soon.”

“Just be careful. He’s in a bad way.”

“Right. Ready?” He turns back into the room, and nods. “Okay, we’re coming out.” Tae can only watch as they wheel their gurney out, Akira draped in a thin blanket atop it. He looks out of it at them, lying on his side towards them both, and Tae’s eyes start to water just watching him leave. It really does feel like letting go did when she was told Miwa had passed.

Like giving up.

“I’m sorry.” Akira speaks, slurring and dragging out the end of the word like a cry. The gurney comes to a halt, the workers looking to each other like they want to give them time alone.

“Don’t. Don’t apologize, damn it.” Tae wipes her eye with her palm, and Sadayo stirs under her hand. “You did your best. Saved both of us doing it. Now go!” She snaps that last bit to the paramedic, who jumps to action, making a great deal of noise in so doing as he opens the door into the alley.

“What…? Wait, stop, what’s going on?” Sadayo snaps awake, rolling over and sitting up before Tae can stop her. “No no no, don’t, you can’t!”

“Sadayo, stop.” Tae blocks her path, sitting down in front of her and taking both of her arms by the wrist. “He’s safe now. He needs treatment at a hospital, and he’s going to be in good hands. This isn’t our fight anymore. You have to let go.”

“Tae, get off me this second, or I swear— “ She hiccups, tears already forming in her eyes. “You can’t just give up on him!” She’s not looking at Tae, eyes fixed on Akira slowly retreating out the door into the alley, where the ambulance’s flashers are already bathing it in a sickly red light.

Tae tugs her back down to sitting, pulling until Sadayo faces her. “This isn’t giving up, Sadayo, this is knowing your limits and mine. We can’t do enough for him, and he needs help, more than we can give. You have to let go of this, Sadayo.”

“Fuck you! You don’t even know, you don’t care! He’s just another fucking dead patient to The Plague, isn’t he? Answer me!”

“No.” Tae can’t help herself, digging fingernails deeper in Sadayo’s arm until she draws blood. “None of them are just patients to me. Not you, not Miwa, not him. But I won’t die trying to save someone’s life, it’ll only burden them more. He gave you your life back, but that doesn’t mean you can kill yourself for him!”

Sadayo flinches as if Tae slapped her, all the fight passing from her. She slumps, mouth hanging open in shock. The ambulance’s engine starts in the alley, pulling away with the siren’s fanfare echoing in the alley. Sadayo doesn’t say anything. She cries, and Tae lets her go, sitting in front of her bereft of anything she can say to soothe her. All she can do is hold her, offering that scant bit of comfort as the weight of everything Sadayo has held back for the last 2 days, the last month, the last 2 years comes crashing down around her, and offer the only words that come to mind.

It’s going to be okay. It’s not your fault. You’ll make it through this.

I love you.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But maybe it'll be OK soon.


	6. Aftercare

Exhaustion engulfs Sadayo. The day blurs under its caul in her memory, fuzzed and indistinct, punctuated by scant moments of clarity. She doesn’t remember anything between the clinic and Tae’s apartment, only that she next awakens enveloped in one of Tae’s futons, sprawled out on the tatami pad in her bedroom. Tae herself is sitting just within arms reach of her, stripped down to a tank top and panties and reading something on her phone, obviously watching her out of the corner of her eye. Sadayo’s hand creeps forward, brushing fingertips against Tae’s hand on the floor, and her memory fades from there.

She wakes again and again, hours apart, and finds both Tae and herself in new positions every time, but she is never more than an arm’s length away. When she awakes on her side in the morning hours, Tae is lounging on her stomach with her feet dangling in the air, reading a magazine propped up by a spare pillow. When Sadayo wakes up rolled over the other way in the afternoon’s fading sun, she can hear Tae listening to music on headphones behind her, a quiet thumping that lulls her back into rest.

And in the early hours of morning before dawn, she wakes on her back. An unfamiliar warmth covers one side of her body under the futon, and when she tries to move her hand resting on her chest, she finds Tae’s fingers interlaced with her own, and one side of her vision is blocked by familiar blue hair resting just under her chin. Her nose is filled with the scent of hibiscus mingling with sweat and the other, less familiar scents of Tae’s home, already growing more familiar by the hour.

She falls back asleep soundly minutes later, the warmth and comfort lulling her into relaxation.

* * *

Sadayo wakes up more fully when Tae is dressing in the morning sun, blackout curtains thrown aside to bathe the room in light. She gets a good look at the smooth curves of Tae’s legs from behind, her girlfriend’s attention turned to the newly-cleaned out and habitable closet stuffed full of fashions both morose and professional. How badly she wants to continue to watch Tae fuss with her blouse from this low position, but an inescapable yawn ruins the moment, and Tae turns with a soft smile to face her. She drops everything to kneel down next to Sadayo, leaving her shirt half-buttoned to lean over Sadayo and brush a lock of greasy hair out of her vision.

“Hey. How are you feeling?” Tae keeps her voice quiet, but the concern in it is palpable. Sadayo yawns again, stretching her arms under the futon and managing something resembling a smile while she tries to think for the first time in 24 hours.

“Mmh...Sleepy. Hungry. Pee...y.” Language is clearly not returning to her with any speed.

“Delightful. Do you remember where the bathroom is?” Tae smiles when Sadayo nods. “I’m going to get us lunch from a place around the corner. I’ll only be gone a few minutes, okay?” She leans in, brushing more hair aside to kiss Sadayo, a quick flutter of lips that’s gone as quickly as Sadayo wishes it would last forever. “Be right back. Love you.” She stands, pulls a pair of skull-adorned leggings on from the closet, and heads out of the apartment.

Sadayo spends more than a few minutes fighting a war between her body screaming for attention and her own need to replay Tae saying ‘love you’ so utterly casually in her head, an echo chamber of sentiment she would gladly stay in forever were it not for her bladder. Sadly, nature calls, and she crawls out of bed with much groaning and joint popping. Thankfully, someone involved had the presence of mind to change her out of her filthy work clothes, stripped down to one of Tae’s oversized (for her; it’s rather snug around Sadayo’s midsection) sleep shirts and her underwear.

Once she’s done racing to the bathroom, Sadayo realizes just how much Tae is trusting her in this moment. Not just that she won’t have a breakdown while Tae’s gone, but giving her free run of her entire apartment, even if only for a few minutes: a mark of trust Sadayo rarely gave even to veteran boyfriends. In it’s own way, it’s easily as sentimental to her as that ‘love you’. She runs some water, giving her face at least a cursory washing, and realizes when she looks up how different the bathroom looks since she’d last seen it. Gone are the toners and dyes laying haphazardly on the counter, as are the empty canisters of deodorant and empty toilet paper rolls. The counter is  _ clean _ , washed and mostly spotless. 

The whole apartment feels different, in fact. Walking back out into the entryway, she finds her overnight bag from their abortive date attempt, the tote bag of wine empty and neatly folded on top of it next to a stack of newsprint carefully bundled for burning. She digs a pair of old pajama pants out of her bag, pulling them on and wandering into the biggest disaster area of the apartment: the living room/kitchen combo.

A lump forms in her throat the moment she walks in. The room is nearly spotless, the dining table that takes up the majority of the sitting area wiped clean and set for a candlelit dinner for two, the candelabra itself a baroque black iron piece more at home in a in an upscale mansion than a three-room apartment, and in stark contrast to the plain tableware. Every bit of the mountain of take-out and old food has been cleared away, and even the kitchen has had some attention paid to it. Pulling open the fridge reveals only groceries still in their plastic from the market, and...those three bottles of wine, next to a pitcher of water.

For just a moment, Sadayo hesitates, hand outstretched.

“ _...but that doesn’t mean you can kill yourself for him!”  _ The temptation of easy relief, the alluring comfort of intoxication hanging before her passes from her like a broken fever. Not today. She wouldn’t just be disappointing herself if she takes that step, and the thought of Tae’s expression falling when she comes home to find Sadayo drinking is too much to bear. So instead she rummages through cupboards for a cup, eventually just turning back to the table and pouring water into a wine glass that had been set out, sitting down and taking a long pull to wash away her own disgust with herself.

Maybe Tae wouldn’t have judged her that much. Recovery is a process, she kept saying that in sessions.

But Sadayo would have judged herself.

She sighs, taking another drink and shivering at the icy chill. Hindsight is definitely 20/20. Sitting here in the ruins of a perfectly nice dinner that never even had a chance, that’s more true than ever. What could have been…

It’s not worth thinking about. What ifs don’t matter in the face of what has happened, what’s already over and done with. It’s time to move forward, not second guess her whole life.

By now, Akira must be at least settled in the hospital. They’ll probably contact next of kin soon, and once they get him some more support, then comes contacting the school...Without Kobayakawa to play hardass and test season looming, there’s no reason to expel him. One of the teachers will probably start bothering her about makeup tests, not to mention any homework that came out before his disappearance and her sudden medical leave...Even when things were this bad, more just kept piling up unseen. ...Whatever. She’s got a few more days to strategize, and more than likely Akira’s condition won’t become known to the school until he’s stable and moving towards recovering. Plenty of time to figure something out.

The door in the hall closing interrupts her train of thought. “In the kitchen!” Sadayo calls, before Tae has a chance to say anything, but she appears in the doorway a moment later, bearing two styrofoam boxes of takeout and...is that beer? No, sparkling water, the label is too bright. The temptation of wine is one thing, but a 6 pack of beer would have been too much for her.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for a few days of relaxation.” Tae busies herself with setting out drinks and moving the candelabra aside onto a side table to set the styrofoam boxes between them, opening them both and revealing two massive piles of steaming, greasy yakisoba, one beef and one chicken. Sadayo’s never salivated so much in her life as she does now when Tae dishes out a heaping mound of both onto her plate. “How do you feel now?”

Sadayo shoves a titanic mouthful of noodles into her mouth, nearly choking on them for a moment before thumping her chest to clear the blockage. “Dumb, tired.” When Tae smirks at her over her chopsticks, Sadayo rolls her eyes. “Okay, really damn hungry, too. Mostly the dumb part, though.”

“Not dumb, just overstressed. You’ve had a rough few days, it’s okay to need time to recover. So, get to recovering.” She takes a similarly gigantic bite of yakisoba, coughing and taking a long pull of her water once she manages to finish swallowing. “So. You’ve got the rest of the week thanks to the sudden sickness, what do you want to do with it?”

“Honestly, lay in bed for 4 days and marathon something sappy?” Sadayo says between mouthfuls of food, dishing herself up more from the seemingly endless pile. “You know, one of those stupid dramas where they’re like ‘will they won’t they’ and a lot of soft focus shots of someone looking sad. Garbage TV.” She looks behind herself, chewing on her food thoughtfully. “Do you even have a TV?”

“Nope. Laptop and a tablet, and the laptop is ancient. I’ve got one of those little lap-prop things for the tablet though.” Tae, despite her disadvantage in height and weight, is keeping up admirably with Sadayo’s sleep-induced voraciousness, helping herself to seconds now.

“And I’ve got about a half dozen streaming site logins. Is it a date?”

“Oh, but of course. I’ll have to run out for more supplies, but the corner store is used to me showing up at all hours already anyway.”

“Ehh, do it tomorrow. We’ll have plenty of food, at least.” Sadayo can’t help but feel gratified by Tae’s nod (her mouth filled with yet another gargantuan helping of noodles); she knows it’s stupid, but having Tae all to herself feels really, really good. A respected doctor out here on the edge of Tokyo, turning away patients for a few more days just for her.

“You gonna eat that?” Tae says, pointing at the remnants on Sadayo’s plate, her chopsticks abandoned next to it.

“No way, I’m stuffed. I can’t believe you can eat like that and still look like you do.”

“I skip meals most days to keep the clinic open, you know. This,” Tae gestures to herself. “Doesn’t come without sacrifice, blood and sweat.”

“Is it all your blood?” Sadayo helpfully passes Tae her plate, and before she knows it that food is gone, too.

“Trade secret, honeybee.” Tae locks eyes with Sadayo just to give her a smile she’d swear only the devil is capable of before licking her lips languidly, like a predator anticipating a meal.

* * *

Neither of them particularly want this moment to end. So they remain at the table, goofing off and playing footsie, laughing at each other’s terrible jokes and offering up new variations of their own. It wasn’t a  _ great _ dinner, by any stretch, but it was the first they’ve shared, and they both won’t pass up the chance to enjoy it for even just a moment longer. Eventually, though, Sadayo can’t stop looking at their filthy plates and breaks, piling all the dinnerware up and heading into Tae’s kitchen. No sooner than she’s found the scrub brush does she find a pair of arms wrapped around her waist, and the sensation of someone else’s hair resting on the back of her neck. Tae’s hands are far warmer than she expected, holding her with a light touch that still manages to cling like silk.

Or a spiderweb.

“I’m busy, go away.” Sadayo teases and feigns resistance, wiggling under Tae’s grasp.

“Nuh uh, no way. It’s only been like 3 days since I let myself call you my girlfriend in my head, let me have this.” Tae’s voice from behind her is unexpectedly pouty, filling her heart with a confusing mix of thoughts and feelings.

It’s not first love, she can’t count the number of guys she’s dated over the years anymore, but...First love with another woman is a big step, right? It doesn’t feel the same, not to her, and that feeling of wanting and chasing this and finally getting it is terrifying and exhilarating all at once. Even just this chaste contact makes her shiver, and—

“Sadayo?” Tae’s voice brings her back out of herself, back to the sink and a pair of hands cupping the curve of her stomach, a few fingertips brushing bare skin below the hem of her shirt.

“Sorry, just thinking about how lucky I am.” She starts scrubbing yakisoba grease again, and Tae hums appreciatively against her back.

“You are pretty lucky.” Tae squawks indignantly when Sadayo elbows her in the boob. “Alright, alright, I’m the lucky one. I’ve never had a girlfriend who actually wants to do the dishes before.”

“‘Wants to’ and ‘does them’ are very different things. You got this place looking so nice for me, I can’t help but want to maintain it for you.”

“Very sweet. Should I take that as a subtle way of saying ‘don’t come over, my place is a mess’?” Tae tickles Sadayo’s belly gently, giggling half-heartedly to herself.

“Just give me a few weeks warning and a chance to rain check and everything will be fine. Do you...you know...wanna come over, sometime?” Sadayo stops scrubbing, putting down the plate and brush. 

“Of course. I have to rifle through all your stuff and figure out what else you like besides trashy dramas  _ eventually _ , you know. I’ve always wondered if English teachers are Anglophiles deep down or not.”

“What an awful stereotype. I read Japanese literature too, you know. Not that often, lately, but still.”

“Mmm. What else?” Tae’s cheek rubs between Sadayo’s shoulder blades. “Tell me all about what you do for fun. We can’t just netflix and chill all day for the rest of the week, you know.”

“Well...uh…” Sadayo hesitates, cottonmouth setting in. What do you do with a girlfriend. She tried to do all that research, and yet all of it’s gone from her head now. “I...kiss?”

“You kiss. Do you have a favorite thing to kiss?”

“G...girls?” Sadayo knows how extremely busted she is when Tae’s hands start creeping up her stomach, fingertips walking up her shirt step by delicate step.

“I love kissing girls. What a coincidence, we both love kissing girls, huh? Any girls you wanna kiss spring to mind?”

“You. “ Sadayo manages, biting her lip. This is so...weird, and dumb, but putting words to even the tamest thing she’s thought about them doing ever since they both admitted their feelings still feels utterly terrifying in a way that it never did around men. In an instant Tae’s hands are gone from her stomach, spinning her around by the shoulders and directly into a gentle kiss to the cheek, Tae standing up on her tiptoes to reach. 

“That’s cute.” Tae leans around to Sadayo’s ear, smirking mischievously. “But you should take a shower first. Then we can have all the netflix and kisses you can stand.”

* * *

Tae goes through all the motions of livening up her bedroom to the best of her ability while Sadayo takes a very long and hopefully relaxing bath. Shades are drawn and blackout curtains arranged just so until the only light is the rapidly dimming evening sunlight against the far wall. Pillows are retrieved from the clinic and cleaned before arrangement on the tatami pad, a pile somehow big enough for the both of them to recline on if they’re curled up together. The tablet is dug out of the pile of paperwork she’s stashed out of sight at the bottom of the closet and set to download roughly a year’s worth of updates, which it promises loftily to be finished with in 10 minutes.

Once she’s out of things to do, Tae strips out of her leggings with a small sigh of relief, crawling under the futon and settling in. Giving Sadayo a little early surprise once she gets in should be a good start to their night. The ‘no pants under the covers surprise’ is a classic from college; all the first-timers loved it, not to mention the small smile of joy it gave repeat customers. She hasn’t broken it out in awhile, and she hasn’t shaved her legs in  _ weeks _ , but what the hell. They’ve both had an insane, awful few days, a few warts are excusable. They can both be ridiculous high femme girlfriends when their lives are somewhere approaching organized. 

Or, more likely, they’ll eat takeout and then make out basically any time they get together for a date, with their schedules. Honestly, both are fine. Spending 3 hours getting primped and shaving legs and getting manicures so you can fuck for an hour after spending 10000 yen on dinner is just bad time/money economy to Tae. Sure, it’s  _ fun _ , but it’s only a few hours of fun. Wine is cheap, and sex is free(ish).

Not that she wishes she’d been having more of it the last few years.

Nah, probably not.

After all, it’s not like she’s been replaying the moment when Sadayo asked her to help get her off basically every night in her head. She hasn’t ever spent hours remembering how hot her whole body felt even just with that briefest bit of contact between them, imagining the taste of her skin on her tongue. And she’s never had to stop herself from asking if she wants a repeat session, or how she would feel about a kiss, just a little one, no tongue even. Resisting just shoving Sadayo against the sink and kissing her as hard as she could didn’t take all of Tae’s already dwindling restraint.

Denial is merely a river in Egypt in Tae Takemi’s book.

So when Sadayo comes in, toweling her hair dry and stripped down to her sleep shirt and underwear, she doesn’t cross her legs or do anything stupid and horny like that. She lets Sadayo turn off the light and settle into the mound of pillows in peace, noting to herself the complex expression on Sadayo’s face while she gets comfortable. She doesn’t touch her leg or anything sophomorish, only turns on the tablet and hands it to her girlfriend to get logged in and start the show. She keeps their contact low-key when she gets closer to watch, only looping an arm around Sadayo’s waist to bring them together under the cook of Sadayo’s arm and get a good view.

The show is terrible, but Tae finds herself enjoying it anyway. More than the trashy romance-drama storyline, though, she’s enjoying watching the way Sadayo comes out of herself after the first few episodes. It doesn’t take long before she starts smiling more at the (terrible) jokes or commenting on little details, like how consistently terrible the set design is, or the repeated places throughout Tokyo they use for filming. Whatever seemed to be bothering her after dinner, or maybe during her bath, is fading now into the background roar of depression. It’s not gone, Tae’s too experienced to know better than that, but seeing her girlfriend smile more than she had in the last week is reward enough for now. Well, that and smelling her own shampoo in Sadayo’s still-damp hair are both rewards enough for now.

In a lull between episodes, Tae pulls herself more tightly to Sadayo’s side, their bare thighs finally coming into contact. “Hey.” She leans up to look up at her girlfriend from her shoulder headrest.

“Hey, yourself. Getting bored already?” Sadayo’s smirk, lit only by the tablet, still brings a small thump to Tae’s chest.

“Not really.” Tae shifts and hums appreciatively when Sadayo’s arm that had previously been lounging behind her head is now wrapped around her side. “Just checking on you. Feeling a little more human?”

“Yeah. Weirdly, yeah.”

“Like it’s weird that having a day without anything to stress about would help you relax and recover.” Tae teases.

“Yeah, yeah, smartass. I haven’t had a day where I didn’t need to do  _ something _ in months. Years, maybe. It still feels weird, but I’m overthinking it, probably.”

“You’re definitely overthinking it. Do you wanna watch more?” Tae looks from the tablet to Sadayo to find her already looking back, rocking her jaw back and forth like she’s worrying away at what she wants to say. “What?”

“I...I’m still overthinking it. Today...this.”

“What is it?” Tae turns more fully towards Sadayo, reaching up with her free hand to brush aside a stray curl of hair from Sadayo’s brow.

“I...I want to kiss you. Is it too soon? Is this…” Sadayo trails off, her lips a tight line of stress.

Without saying a word, Tae slides out from under Sadayo’s arm, knocking the tablet onto the tatami with a thump and taking its place in her girlfriend’s lap. They kiss, slowly, and Tae feels Sadayo relax under her, tension all over her body releasing as Tae leans into her, pushing her down into the pillow pile fully with her weight but never breaking the contact of their lips. They pause only for breath, their attention focused utterly on one another.

“Can—” Sadayo starts between kisses, only to be stifled by Tae’s lips, and she returns one last kiss with a smile even as she gently pushes Tae away from her by her shoulder. “Jeez, let a lady talk. Can I touch you?”

“You’re already touching me.” Tae giggles lightly and nods towards the hand on her shoulder. “But, yes, please do. Can I keep kissing you?”

“Oh God yes. Please don’t stop.” 

“I wasn’t planning on it. Honestly, I’ve been thinking about it for quite a while. And... _ other things. _ ” Tae’s voice darkens as she grins, and Sadayo’s heart thuds harder in her chest when Tae kisses her again. Just keeping up with her is proving to be a challenge, so Sadayo contents herself with slipping a hand under Tae’s blouse, smiling when Tae gives her a small gasp of surprise against her lips. 

“Like what? That dream, maybe?” Sadayo can’t help but tease her in the lull, even as she can feel a blush creeping up her neck.

“Something like that. Your hair was still wet in that dream, too.” Tae cups Sadayo’s cheek, untangling a knot in her hair with two fingers.  “What was your dream of me like?” 

“...Rough.” Sadayo closes her eyes, remembering how vividly she felt hands on her, holding her tightly. How much it feels like right now.

“Do you want me to be rough?” The question sounds innocent enough, but it makes Sadayo’s heart beat double time until she can come up with an answer.

“...No. Not right now.” Sadayo licks her lips, watching Tae watch her. “We should probably go slow, right? I’m still...”

“That’s true. I could be rough, if you really wanted, but I won’t.” Tae inches closer to Sadayo, their lips a hair’s breadth away. “No, I’ll be gentle tonight. For you.”

And she is, her hands on Sadayo like silk, soft and smooth and clinging to everything it touches, her thigh and her arms, her stomach and her neck, fingertips tracing her carotid like a roadmap before chasing up it with her tongue. Sadayo tries to give as good as she gets and never take her hands off of her girlfriend, but Tae’s experienced touch just widens the gap every time Sadayo tries to catch up. 

It’s...overwhelming. It feels like she’s everywhere at once, and Sadayo’s head spins, mouth hanging open as she tries to calm down, to slow the thrumming in her heart that only feels like it’s growing faster, harder by the second.

“Tae.” Sadayo croaks as her girlfriend holds her lip between her teeth. “Tae, stop.” She breathes out when Tae lets her go, her hands retreating. “I...I don’t think I’m ready for this. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just—”

“Ssh. It’s fine.” Tae shifts off of Sadayo’s lap, sitting on her knees next to her and ignoring the gnawing heat in her stomach. “Are you okay?”

Sadayo sighs, still shivering from the ghost of Tae’s hands on her. “Maybe? I just...fuck. I just want to be able to show you how I feel, but I feel like I’m gonna explode.” She smiles wanly in the dim light, looking away from Tae. “Maybe this is how it is now for me. Ready to freak out at a moment’s notice. I’m so tired of it already.”

Tae touches Sadayo’s shoulder gingerly, curling up to her side when she doesn’t react. “You’re not in this alone, you know. You’ve been through a lot, and you deserve time to recover. This doesn’t have to be anything but what you want it to be.”

“...Thanks.” They stay still for a long time, mostly silent. When Tae starts gently running a hand through Sadayo’s hair and humming tunelessly to herself, Sadayo murmurs some level of approval from her half-asleep daze, eyelids drooping. “I...think I need closure.”

“With Akira.”

“Mm. Probably a bad idea. I was thinking about it in the bath.”

“I’ve heard worse ideas. Do you want me to go with you?”

“...Maybe. Talk in the morning.”

“Okay.” Tae removes her hand from Sadayo’s hair with care, leaning up to kiss her on the cheek. “I love you.”

“...love you…” Sadayo murmurs, already drifting off into sleep. Tae closes her eyes, pressing herself closer to Sadayo under the blanket. Even if she can’t save Sadayo from her own head, she can at least support her every step of the way. 


	7. Discharge & Final Appointment

It turns out, a doctor’s note will get you pretty far into a hospital. So will that same doctor walking you directly to the room, placating any nurses or orderlies that stand in the way.

Sadayo bites her tongue once she’s alone, taking in the cramped room Akira lays in. Being in a hospital again only a few months after her own hospitalization has her in a strange mood. Not to mention all the rest, every emotion she’s felt towards Akira in the last year bound up in a big knot in her stomach right alongside the mess from last night. 

Akira looks...better, at least, bright eyed sitting upright with the bed inclined upwards. There’s color back in his cheeks, and a stark white cast poking out of his sheets over one leg.

“Well, this feels weird. The last time I was in a hospital, you came to my rescue. I wish I could say the same here.”

“Not much to rescue me from here, thankfully.” Akira says with that little quirk of his lips rising he always does that she remembers so fondly. She sighs, crossing the room and sitting down on a stool next to his bed. 

“Are they treating you alright, then?”

“Yeah.” He meets her eyes. “Why are you here?”

“Well.” Sadayo lifts her chin, swallowing uncertainly. “We didn’t end on the best note. When they took you, or when we broke up. And, I’ve realized a lot of things. About myself. About our time together. So, I wanted to say my piece. I know it’s selfish, but I hoped you’d listen.”

Akira shrugs. “I’m not throwing you out.”

“Thanks.” Sadayo takes a long breath to steady herself, clasping her hands in her lap. “You saved my life. That’s plain and simple fact, I would have probably died if you hadn’t intervened when you did. I can’t explain what that felt like, to have years of obligation and guilt lifted from your shoulders. I felt like I owed you more than I could ever repay. And...I saw you in a way that was blind to everything I actually knew about you. You were my savior, and I loved you for it. And I couldn’t pay you back any way I could think of but to be there for you, to support you through everything.”

“I appreciated it. I really did, Sadayo.” Akira says quietly, watching her. 

“I know. But, looking back on it, I was repeating my own sins. I fell into the same trap, from one form of obligation to another, only I had made you the only good thing in my life instead of my worst nightmare. And...I wasn’t ready for anything like what I was doing for you. And...you didn’t feel the same way I did.”

Akira remains silent, bowing his head.

“It’s not your fault. It’s my responsibility, putting myself into your life like that. And when I realized it, I tried reaching further, to bridge that gap. Anything would be enough for me, but it wasn’t. It couldn’t be. And then you disappeared. Everything fell apart, and I realized what I’d done. And then...my chance came, and I couldn’t do it then, either. I wasn’t what you needed.” Sadayo falls silent, looking down at her hands. “So. Thank you, for what you did for me. I don’t think I can ever repay what you did for me, and I’ll have to live with that.” Sadayo bows her head in thanks, squeezing her eyes shut to hold back tears.

“Repayment...You’re thinking about it the wrong way. I didn’t help you because I wanted something. I helped you because I could, and because you deserved it. If you want to do something, then do the same thing. The fact that you tried, when you found me, means more than anything else in the world could have. You justified everything I’ve done until now, as...that side of myself. I should be thanking you, honestly.”

“...You know, you’re not supposed to make girls cry, Akira.” Sadayo wipes her eyes with the palm of her hand, silently thankful she didn’t bother trying to get makeup together before this.

“Sorry. I’m not very good at that.”

Sadayo nods, lips twitching into a smile for a moment. “Are you gonna be okay? Did they get your friends too?”

“They’re fine. No, I did something stupid on my own. Thought I could help someone who doesn’t want help. He proved that he didn’t want it quite clearly, I think.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. Seriously, It’s better if you don’t. Just live, and try to move on, I guess.” Akira chuckles. “I’ll have to start thinking about doing the same, soon. Just one more heart to steal left in me, I think.”

“Well...give them hell.” Sadayo stands. “Show Tokyo people don’t just get to get away with shit. Not anymore.”

“I will. Take care of yourself.”

Sadayo doesn’t look back when she leaves. She doesn’t even cry until she meets Tae at home.

He doesn’t come back to class after that. Sojiro reports him too sick for the rest of the year, and she leaves a makeup test with him that she argued with the interim Principal about for 2 hours to make happen. He passes with flying colors. The last time she sees him that year is the takeover of every television in Tokyo, declaring Masayoshi Shido’s every sin for the world to see.

Well, that she can remember. She sees him later that year on Christmas Eve, high in the sky over Tokyo as hell rampages around them, and both her and Tae call out for him to kick God’s ass. He does, of course. They cheer him on the whole way through, forget the whole thing, and make it to their Christmas dinner date late. It’s still a good night, even if the maitre’d gives them hell about it.

* * *

“So.” Tae sets her clipboard down in her lap, checking her watch discreetly. “How are you feeling?”

“Good. Nothing to complain about.”

“You’ve lost a surprising amount of weight in 3 months. I’d worry about malnourishment, normally, but you’re still young enough to rebound from that kind of thing quickly. Especially if Sojiro has anything to say about it.”

“You make it sound like I’m made of rubber.” Akira smirks, rubbing his neck nervously.

“Children might as well be. How’s the leg?” Tae’s eyes flicker down to his foot, then back to him.

“Fine. You know, I really only wanted to say hello, you didn’t have to give me a check up.” The smirk strains a little, which just makes Tae smile wickedly.

“Old habits die hard. It wasn’t so long ago that you nearly died, you know.”

“Right, right. Well, I’m alive. How is she?” Akira doesn’t say a name, but they both know who he’s talking about. He fidgets with his hands when he asks, thumbs twitching.

“Good. Her therapist is very pleased with her progress.”

“You’re not treating her? I thought…”

“I was, but not anymore. I’m not anywhere near qualified for treating PTSD, Akira. Doctors aren’t miracle workers like  _ some _ people. So, she’s seeing someone else for that.”

“Are you still…?”

“Seeing each other?” Tae checks her watch again. “Class is already over for the day, so she’ll probably be here soon. We have plans for Valentine’s Day.”

“Ah.” Akira stands abruptly, looking suddenly embarrassed. “I don't want to intrude. I should—”

“Oh, sit down. You’re not hurting anyone.” Tae doesn’t say it unkindly, but Akira flops down onto the cot like he’s been suitably chastened regardless. “It’s only Valentine’s Day, anyway. Plenty more important days of the year than this.”

“Right. Like your closing date.”

“Oh, so you noticed.” The announcement is only posted inside, at the waiting room. “I’m tired of Tokyo, and it’s about time to move on.”

“I thought you stayed with the clinic here because of your patients?”

“I did. I still like  _ them _ , just...city life.” She gestures at the air, like she’s brushing something away from her. “Honestly, I need a change of pace. To live my life for myself, not just for other people. Even doctors forget their own needs, sometimes. They’re going to see much more respectable doctors than me, anyway. It’s for the best.”

“Right.” Akira sits still, quiet.

“Are you holding up okay? Mentally. They kept you in solitary confinement, after all.”

“I’m...fine. They didn’t do anything to me, really.”

“That’s the problem. That sort of confinement is considered torture in most countries, it’s intensely depersonalizing. I know you’re...special, but you’re still human, Akira. If you won’t talk to me about it, I understand, just...try to get help. For your own sake.” Tae smiles when Akira nods. “Good. You should probably head out, before Sojiro comes looking.”

“Right. Thanks for your time, Dr. Takemi. And for everything else.”

“I’ll make sure to send Sojiro a bill after I’m gone.” She snorts at his suddenly worried expression, standing and opening the door out into the office. “I’m kidding. Just take care of yourself and we’ll call it even.”

“Got it.” Akira stands, and sees Sadayo standing in the waiting room, looking down at her phone with an intense expression. Her hair’s different, cut much shorter to just below her ears but still a mess of curls going every which way. She looks up when he walks out, blinking rapidly. 

“Oh. Hey.” Her eyebrows are invisible under the mess of hair, but are presumably all the way up, from the way her eyes widen looking at him.

He waves in greeting. “Hey. I like the hair.”

“I told her it looked too much like yours, but she won’t change it.” Tae appears behind Akira, ushering him out into the waiting room proper and smirking devilishly. “C’mon, tell her.”

“Oh, shut up, you hag.” Sadayo makes a rude gesture as she puts her phone back into her bag. “I guess that explains why you weren’t answering. She didn’t do anything weird to you, right?”

“Not this time. How are you?” Akira smiles, genuinely, and Sadayo finds herself returning it. She knew he’d been released, based on the whooping and joyous shouting from Takamaki and Sakamoto during lunch break, but hadn’t expected to see him. 

“Good. The school’s making my last days hell, but i’m just looking forward to vacation, and freedom.”

“Last few days?” Akira sounds confused, and Sadayo raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I’m transferring out of Tokyo. The school raised a stink about my absences, so I told them to blow it out their ass and requested a transfer with the prefecture. Going out to the country, there’s more than a few schools that could use an experienced English teacher these days.” Sadayo looks to Tae. “I figured she’d have told you all about it, since she’s chasing me like a lost puppy.”

Tae rolls her eyes. “Don’t listen to her, or you’d think I’m her stalker, not the one paying for our vacation to Hawaii.” Akira blinks rapidly, trying to keep up with the conversation. Vacation to Hawaii, then moving? So much has changed in only a few months time.

“It’s not my fault teachers are criminally underpaid across the world!”

“Yes, well, you can complain about how unfair the wage gap is at dinner tonight. Let’s not keep the kid stuck here forever, though, okay? He’s got plenty of people to go see today.” Tae nods to Akira, who looks thoroughly lost in the back-and-forth.

“Oh, right.” Sadayo sighs. “Sorry, she just gets me riled up sometimes. It’s good to see you safe, Akira.” She hesitates, then seems to decide ‘the hell with it’ and hugs him, patting him on the back once before stepping out of his way. “Go on, get on with your life. And take care of yourself, alright?”

“Right. See you.” Akira gives them both a small wave before heading out into the street with only the tinkle of the door chime behind him.

“That went well.” Tae quips, sidling up to Sadayo.

“Was it supposed to go poorly? Should I have smeared my mascara or something?” Sadayo elbows Tae, who elbows her back.

“Oh, be quiet. So, Valentine’s Day.”

“Oh, is that today? I couldn’t tell, what with all the girls running around giving boys chocolate.” Sadayo looks around in mock confusion, squinting. “You know, I don’t see any boys here. What a shame, I have all this chocolate.”

“There was one here a second ago, you loon. And he’s just out of prison, you think someone’s going to give him chocolate after 3 months in jail?”

“Oh my god, spare me. He’s a big boy, and I’m not opening that can of worms on my last day in Tokyo.”

“Right, right. Anyway…” 

“Anyway, what? You think I had time to make chocolate, let alone buy any?” 

“Seriously? You just said you had chocolate.”

“Yeah, for boys. Girls get kisses.”

“Ohh?” Tae takes Sadayo’s other hand, swinging them back and forth between them. “I do like those, too, you know.”

“Oh, I know. That’s why I got you so many. Kiss after kiss after kiss…” Sadayo leans down, grinning. “Do you want your present now, or after dinner?”

“Hang on.” Tae drops Sadayo’s hand, dashing over to the front door and locking it before returning to lead Sadayo into the back by the hand. “Now, just how many kisses did you get me?”

“Oh, so many, I don’t know if all of them can go on your mouth. They’ll have to go...elsewhere...” Sadayo pulls Tae back to her, kissing her on the mouth, on her cheeks, on her forehead. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Tae.”

“Oh, don’t ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ me yet, you’re not done until I say you are.” Tae drags Sadayo into the room, shoving her gently onto the cot and clambering on top of her after kicking the door shut behind her. “I’m gonna get something sweet out of you tonight, even if it’s just you shouting my name.”

“God, I love you when you’re horny.” Sadayo giggles as Tae looms over her.

“I love you too, honeybee.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And...Well, that's it. it's been a trip and a half getting here, and there's a lot I'd do over if I had the time or mental capacity to do it, but it's over. And I'm happy with it. That's what matters. Thank you so much for coming along with me on this, it's been hard and an ordeal at times but I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
